IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays, more people are becoming overweight. Some people think that the solution is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #price #foods
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is a controversial perspective heating up a debate over the fact that raising the
price
Use synonyms
 of high-fat foods can be an effective solution for an increasing number of individuals who are becoming obese.
While
Linking Words
 it has some downsides, I partially have a consensus with
this
Linking Words
 idea. Without a shadow of
doubt
Add an article
a doubt
show examples
, making fattening sugary foods more expensive would certainly curb the rise in obesity. Since many buyers are sensitive to changes in the
price
Use synonyms
, and clearly not everybody can afford expensive foodstuff.
For example
Linking Words
, young people in Vietnam frequently order fast
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Domino
pizza
Capitalize word
Pizza
show examples
 or fried chicken from KFC because of the cheaper cost youngsters have to pay compared to other
food
Use synonyms
. So if the cost became higher and
expensive
Correct quantifier usage
more expensive
show examples
 to them, they would not be able to purchase it.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is an efficient way to hike the
price
Use synonyms
 of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the beneficial advantage of rising prices on fattening foodstuff in reducing obesity is widely acknowledged, its counterpart still lingers. It will lead to a big problem that companies majoring in
this
Linking Words
 field may face financial strain and lose their market
due to
Linking Words
 the higher prices of fast
food
Use synonyms
. To be specific, huge fast
food
Use synonyms
 enterprises namely McDonald’s and Pizza Hut can face a decrease in profit of the company if they change
strategy
Correct pronoun usage
their strategy
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, solely relying on
price
Use synonyms
 hikes may do more harm than good. In conclusion, I mostly agree with the idea of raising the prices of fatty foods to address the problem of obesity,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it can negatively affect the economy of a nation, which is another severe matter.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
What to do next:
Look at other essays: