IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offences. To what extent do you agree with this idea? Answer

#safety #roads #punishments #offences #idea
Day by day, the number of casualties on the
road
 skyrocketed as if everyone is taking lives as a joke. One of the
solution
Change to a plural noun
solutions
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 that seems sensible to overcome
this
 problem is by giving
a heavier penalties
Correct the article-noun agreement
a heavier penalty
heavier penalties
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toward
Change preposition
to
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 the
people
 who disobey the laws. In
this
 essay, I will be discussing
on
Change preposition
apply
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why I am firm with
this
 ideology.
A more serious penalties
Correct the article-noun agreement
More serious penalties
A more serious penalty
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 will result in
people
 being scared to
disobeying
Wrong verb form
disobey
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 the laws;
thus
, decreasing the number of driving offences on the
road
 as they are more prone to follow the rules. To cite an example, countries with
death
Correct article usage
the death
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 penalty towards drunk
driver
Fix the agreement mistake
drivers
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 have a lower fatality rate on
road
Correct article usage
the road
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 compared to other countries. To summarise, the
road
 will be safer as
people
does
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do
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 not want to be penalised. The major drawback of
this
 idea will be the inequality towards different classes of
people
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 the working class. It can be unfair towards the poor when heavier punishment is implemented as they are lacking in income whilst the rich do not have to worry to commit an offence as they are capable of paying the summons.
Moreover
, imposing a stricter punishment would not address the root of the
problems
Fix the agreement mistake
problem
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 which is the moral value of
people
 which is the main concern of the problem. In conclusion, it is apparent that implementing
a stricter laws
Correct the article-noun agreement
stricter laws
a stricter law
show examples
 is crucial to assist the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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problem that
are
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is
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 faced by our society in the hopes of reducing
Correct article usage
the numbers
show examples
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of driving offences. As a responsible
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, we must take part in our society to improve as a whole as we will reap what we sow.
Submitted by eimanasrinooh on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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