Some people think that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others say that other measures are required. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Masses believe that there could not be any better way to improve public health than by increasing the variety of sports facilities. Others think that many measures are required like basic awareness, education and free medical camps. I will elaborate on these points in forthcoming paragraphs. On the one hand, the public thinks facilities like gymnasiums can improve general well-being. Physical activities are really helpful in the well-being of society. The gym can help folks stay fit. It could prevent many health issues like heart stroke and cancer.
For instance
,
according to
doctors daily cycling and walking can help us save from many major physical problems which can occur in the future. On the flip side of the coin, there are more important factors. Availability of hospitals and awareness are better ways for soundness.
Not only
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
If the community
can have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
access to basic education
then
it would be more beneficial but
also
Rephrase
apply
show examples
free fitness checkups can do much assistance.
Although
there are many dispensaries in rural areas
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
treatments that they aid with are few in number.
For example
, the government should open fitness centres every 20 kilometres with subsidised costs.
To conclude
, sports clubs, yoga activities and encouraging people to play games are great ways to stay healthy.
However
, there are things which cannot be neglected as education and the care system are a lot more important areas.
Last
but not least alternative solutions must be checked and tried to facilitate citizens in different sectors by the lawmakers.
Submitted by prrabhjottsingh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure all main points are supported with relevant examples and explanations.
coherence and cohesion
Organize ideas in a clearer structure, with a more explicit introduction and conclusion.
lexical resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary, and be more precise in word choice.
grammatical range
Work on sentence structure and use a variety of grammatical structures.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: