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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.

The graph below shows the number shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2018.
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This
Linking Words
 given graph illustrates the
nember
Correct your spelling
number
 of
stores
Use synonyms
 that ended their
economical
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economic
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 activities and the
number
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 of retailers that started their businesses in a particular country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, with
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
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 of some
flactuations
Correct your spelling
fluctuations
 that these two trends have experienced in
this
Linking Words
 time frame, both of them showed a downward
trend
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.
According to
Linking Words
 the
number
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 of closures that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 happened, in the first
year
Add a comma
,year
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 a slight decrease can be observed in
this
Linking Words
 figure
whereas
Linking Words
 during the next
year
Add a comma
,year
show examples
this
Linking Words
number
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 increased by more than 7000 and
then
Linking Words
 again,
this
Linking Words
trend
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 has become reversed. Over the next
2-years
Correct your spelling
2 years
,
firstly
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
number
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 plummeted
doen
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down
done
 from about 6500
stores
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 to less than 1000
stores
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 but again it rocketed up to 5000
stores
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
number
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 of shops that
stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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work remained relatively steady and stood at around 5000. Moving into the
number
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 of shops that started their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 during
this
Linking Words
 time frame, their
number
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 significantly decreased in 2011 to 4000
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
reversed and the
number
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 of openings increased significantly from 4000 in 2012 to about 6000 in 2014.
Subsecuently
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Subsequently
, with
exception
Correct article usage
the exception
show examples
 of two years that
this
Linking Words
trend
Use synonyms
 remained unchanged again started to reduce from 4000 in 2017 to 3000 in 2018.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words stores, number, trend with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trends" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • trend
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • decline
  • surge
  • stabilize
  • correlation
  • economic conditions
  • consumer behavior
  • technological advancements
  • urban development
  • employment
  • retail sector
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