IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Culture is turning similar around the world. What are reasons? What are the positive and negative aspects?

#culture #world #aspects
Today, the globalization of
culture
 is a visible
phenomena
Change the noun form
phenomenon
show examples
. There are several reasons why
this
 is happening, and social media and global digital connectivity are some common
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
this
. There are some positive aspects,
such
a
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 worldwide ciudadanity.
However
, we could identify a very negative aspect, the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of endemic
culture
.
Firstly
, let’s talk about the reasons why is
culture
turning
Verb problem
becoming
show examples
 similar in the
world
. Social media is creating a global narrative. An interconnected
estetic
Correct your spelling
esthetic
aesthetic
 dialogue. People in Latinoamérica and Europe now
use
Verb problem
wear
show examples
 the same
cloths
Correct your spelling
clothes
show examples
,
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
 the same music, and watch the same shows. Global
interconectivity
Correct your spelling
interconnectivity
, through
high speed
Add a hyphen
high-speed
show examples
 internet
its
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
also
 one of the
principle
Correct your spelling
principal
show examples
 reasons
this
 cultural globalization is occurring.
Secondly
, let’s talk about the positive and negative aspects. A
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 ciudadanity, the feeling of being all part of the same family, is one of the biggest positive aspects of
this
 cultural transformation.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, the
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of endemic customs,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 little cultural singularities that
makes
Change the verb form
make
show examples
 human being
such
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
diverse individual, will be the negative aspect.
Overall
, the
world
 is changing, it is increasingly connected and one of the products of
this
 is the creation of a similar
culture
 around the
world
. As we just
analize
Correct your spelling
analysed
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 changes
creates
Correct subject-verb agreement
create
show examples
 both positive (
world wide
Correct your spelling
worldwide
show examples
 ciudadanity)
an
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 negative results (
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of endemic
culture
).
This
 said a recommendation that it’s pertinent, is that rules should evolve
by
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the needs of the citizens,
therefore
 adapting to the new realities.
Submitted by jorgederecho on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Provide a more focused response to the essay prompt. Ensure that the essay addresses all aspects of the prompt and stays on topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more effectively structured to capture the reader's interest and summarize the main points. Ensure that each paragraph is logically connected and contributes to the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: