The diagram details the process of making leather products. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feather, and make conparison where relevant.

The diagram details the process of making leather products.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feather, and make conparison where relevant.
The diagram gives information about the process of
leather
production.
Overall
,there are 10 steps to generate
leather
merchandise.They would start with animal
skins
and end up
leather
Change preposition
with leather
show examples
products . First,animal
skins
have to be totally dried out and sent to the
factories
. In that
factories
, the dried creature
skins
are carefully washed with water and lime,followed by soaking in a ton of lime water separately for a period of time. Next, the
skins
have to be flattened by a big merchant and soaked again ,
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
time , they would be soaked in Tannin , a liquid mixed with water and vegetable matter,together .
Subsequently
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
would be polished so that they would become useful
leather
. The
last
part of making
leather
goods is that transported them a second time to other
factories
by a bid van and they would be made up to the products in that
factories
.
Finally
, the
leather
merchandise is finished ,becoming the goods we saw in stores
such
as bags and shoes.
Submitted by hsukingg on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words leather, skins, factories with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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