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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram details the process of making leather products. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feather, and make conparison where relevant.

The diagram details the process of making leather products. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feather, and make conparison where relevant.
#process #leather #products #summarise #information #feather #conparison
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The diagram gives information about the process of
leather
Use synonyms
 production.
Overall
Linking Words
 ,there are 10 steps to generate
leather
Use synonyms
 merchandise.They would start with animal
skins
Use synonyms
 and end up
Use synonyms
leather
Change preposition
with leather
show examples
 products . First,animal
skins
Use synonyms
 have to be totally dried out and sent to the
factories
Use synonyms
. In that
factories
Use synonyms
, the dried creature
skins
Use synonyms
 are carefully washed with water and lime,followed by soaking in a ton of lime water separately for a period of time. Next, the
skins
Use synonyms
 have to be flattened by a big merchant and soaked again ,
Linking Words
while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time , they would be soaked in Tannin , a liquid mixed with water and vegetable matter,together .
Subsequently
Linking Words
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 would be polished so that they would become useful
leather
Use synonyms
. The
last
Linking Words
 part of making
leather
Use synonyms
 goods is that transported them a second time to other
factories
Use synonyms
 by a bid van and they would be made up to the products in that
factories
Use synonyms
.
Finally
Linking Words
, the
leather
Use synonyms
 merchandise is finished ,becoming the goods we saw in stores
such
Linking Words
 as bags and shoes.
Submitted by hsukingg on

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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words leather, skins, factories with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
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