IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people suggest that a country should try to produce all the food for its population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #country #food #population #import
Some individuals recommend that a nation should try to produce all the
food
 for its inhabitants and import as little
food
 as possible. I totally agree with
this
 statement because
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 locally can bring many benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 , enhance
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
economy
,
provdie
Correct your spelling
provide
reliable
Correct article usage
a reliable
show examples
 source of
food
, and local
food
 inexpensive.
To begin
 with, there are several reasons why I believe
country
Add an article
the country
a country
show examples
 should try to produce all the
food
 for its population and import as little
food
 as possible.
Firtsly
Correct your spelling
Firstly
,
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 locally can
boosts
Wrong verb form
boost
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
economy
.
Correct article usage
This
show examples
The
Correct your spelling
This
show examples
 is because
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 locally
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
local companies
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 produce
food
such
 as, vegetables, fruits, and grains, which
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 local companies will earn more money from
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
sell
Wrong verb form
selling
show examples
 their goods.
Therefore
, governments earn more taxes via local companies, which
this
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
economy
.
Furthermore
,
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 locally can create employment opportunities and income for local people.
For example
,
thousand
Correct your spelling
thousands
show examples
 of people will work in local
food
factores
Correct your spelling
factories
factors
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
, engineers, and drivers for
truck
Fix the agreement mistake
trucks
show examples
, which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can contribute to
mtigiate
Fix the agreement mistake
a higher
show examples
 rate of poverty among local residents.
Secondly
,
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
 all
food
 locally can
provdie
Correct your spelling
provide
food
 security for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
This
 is because
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 will become more independent on
themselve
Correct your spelling
themselves
 to produce their own
food
.
For example
, when the
U.S.A
Correct your spelling
U.S.A.
 imposed punishments on China
these
Change the determiner
this puhishment
show examples
puhishment
Correct your spelling
punishment
punishments
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
 have low impact on
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 supply
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
China because China
produce
Wrong verb form
produced
show examples
 their own
food
 by
themselve
Correct your spelling
itself
.
Finanly
Correct your spelling
Finally
,
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
 all
food
 locally can make
food
 accessible for all population in
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.
This
 is because local
food
often
Add a missing verb
is often
show examples
 cheaper than imported
food
, which
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 more people can purchase local
food
.
To sum up
, I completely think
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
 should try to produce all the
food
 for its population and import as little
food
 as possible because
produce
Wrong verb form
producing
show examples
food
 locally
bring
Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
show examples
 many merits for
country
Add an article
the country
show examples
including
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
support
Wrong verb form
including supporting
show examples
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
economy
,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
food
 security, and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
availability
Add an article
the availability
show examples
 of
food
 for local residents .
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Task Achievement
The essay demonstrates a basic understanding of the task, but lacks comprehensive development.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents some clear ideas but lacks coherence in presenting and connecting them.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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