Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be mande more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Food and beverage products with high
sugar
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content can have numerous negative effects on
individuals
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'
health
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. Many advocates argue for implementing higher
prices
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on these sugary items to reduce daily
sugar
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consumption.
While
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some consumers may view
this
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as beneficial, others may oppose it. Personally, I strongly believe that raising the
prices
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of sugary
foods
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and
drinks
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can positively impact public
health
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. By setting higher
prices
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for
sugar
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-rich meals and beverages, consumers may be encouraged to choose healthier and more cost-effective options. Excessive daily consumption of
sugar
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-laden
foods
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can lead to obesity, which in turn causes
individuals
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to feel fatigued, unmotivated, and less productive. Lowering the
prices
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of healthier food options will promote better
health
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, and as consumers become accustomed to these healthier choices, they are likely to continue consuming them—even if
prices
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rise—because they have experienced the benefits firsthand.
For example
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, in Japan, healthy
foods
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and
drinks
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are priced lower,
while
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unhealthy beverages are priced higher.
As a result
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, a greater proportion of the Japanese population enjoys better
health
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compared to those in the United States, where cheap, high-
sugar
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foods
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are readily available.
Moreover
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, the adverse effects of consuming high-
sugar
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products can lead to serious
health
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issues,
such
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as diabetes.
This
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condition often results in lifelong complications, as
individuals
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must monitor their
sugar
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intake carefully. Diabetes can lead to weakness, hindered activity levels, stress, and even death.
Therefore
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, with increased
prices
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for sugary
foods
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and beverages, people may become more aware of their
health
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.
For instance
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, in Indonesia, where
sugar
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-laden
foods
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and
drinks
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are available at lower
prices
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, approximately 70% of the population suffers from diabetes, a situation exacerbated by the government's failure to raise
prices
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on these products. In conclusion, I personally support higher
prices
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on high-
sugar
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foods
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and
drinks
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. I believe that lowering the
prices
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of healthy food options will result in significant
health
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benefits for
individuals
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. A population that consumes less
sugar
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is likely to be healthier, more active, and happier.

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Task Achievement
The introduction clearly outlines your position, which is excellent. However, you could strengthen it further by briefly mentioning the health problems caused by sugar to provide context.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main point. Consider using additional linking words or phrases to enhance the flow between your ideas.
Task Achievement
You provided good examples, but more specific data or studies could add weight to your arguments and make your examples even more relevant.
Task Achievement
Your arguments are clear and well-articulated, demonstrating a strong understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
The use of real-world examples from Japan and Indonesia effectively supports your claims and enhances credibility.
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