IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Overpopulation of urban areas has led to numerous problems. Identify one or two serious ones, and suggest ways thet government and individuals can tackle these problems.

#overpopulation #areas #two #ones #government #individuals
Overcrowding of the municipal areas has brought various problems. In
this
 essay, I am planning to talk about a couple of them and demonstrate how can they be struggled with by different authorities or general people. First of all, an overgrown population increases the number of vehicles in the local areas , in its own turn,
brings
Verb problem
causes
show examples
numerous traffic jams.
For example
, if we get back a bit, we can remember the times when we got to our schools by bus and it took us not as much time as now because nowadays we can waste lots of time just standing in the jams. The second problem is the harmful impact of human beings on the surrounding environment. Let's stop for a moment and look around us. The obvious evidence of the above-mentioned problem is the cutting down of trees . Yes, the more density of people by square meter we have, the more area for living we need, and,
as a consequence
, the more green lands we
deforested
Wrong verb form
deforest
show examples
. How to struggle against it? It should not be a struggle in its general meaning because overpopulation is a result of attraction.
Hence
, our authorities need to manage plans to make more attractive not only cities but
also
 suburbs by developing an infrastructure, opening new workplaces and so on. Everyone must
also
 be mature enough
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
help to solve
this
 problem.
For example
, if it is affordable for you, buy your house in the suburbs, not downtown, or, at least, use public transport
instead
 of your own car. In conclusion, overcrowding of cities leads to real problems and we should do our best to cope with them.
Submitted by karine.s.kirakosyan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure to fully address all parts of the question and provide a more in-depth analysis of the issues raised. Use specific examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Organize your essay more effectively by providing a clear introduction and conclusion. Use linking words and phrases to improve the coherence and cohesion of your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: