New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.

While
it is true that
technology
has been continuously improving since
twenty-first
Change the article
the twenty-first
show examples
century, which impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
what people spend
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their spare
time
. It seems to me that children change to use their free
time
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the function that
technology
provides, so
therefore
, I believe the
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
are more than
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
. The most obvious advantage is that it stimulates youngers to find their interest
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
their free
time
.
For example
, teenagers can search
enoumours
Correct your spelling
enormous
of educational
video
Fix the agreement mistake
videos
show examples
to learn anything they are interested in,
such
as cooking, filming, or exercising, lots of videos which are teaching specific skills are provided on
this
platform.
This
is quite beneficial for new generations because they are able to acquire comprehensive education via
technology
in their free
time
, which elders did not have the opportunity to experience.
By contrast
, the disadvantage is that most users misuse
technologe
Correct your spelling
technology
in their spare
time
,
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
using it as
Correct article usage
a peripherial
show examples
peripherial
Correct your spelling
peripheral
in education and
replace
Wrong verb form
replacing
show examples
entertainment as their priority. Certain smartphones provide online games and
tremendous
Correct article usage
a tremendous
show examples
of movies to allow users to download,
this
impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
users
spend
Correct pronoun usage
who spend
show examples
too much
time
on it, and neglect the
time
to explore their life. Take
Taiwanese
Correct article usage
the Taiwanese
show examples
new generation as an example, in their summer vacation, they spent vastly of
time
participating in video games.
This
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight and intellect, not enough exercise affects
thir
Correct your spelling
their
health and ignoring the importance of knowledge in their free
time
makes them uncomfortable in classes.
Such
impacts become a harmful cycle for teenagers that force them to be addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
. In conclusion, despite that
technology
brings certain advantages to modern society, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Parents need to have conscious
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
time
that children
associated
Add a missing verb
are associated
show examples
with
technology
, and provide more meaningful activities for children in their extra
time
.
Submitted by anson900506 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: