New technology have changed the way children spend their free time. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages.

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While
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it is true that
technology
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has been continuously improving since
twenty-first
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the twenty-first
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century, which impacts
on
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apply
show examples
what people spend
on
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in
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their spare
time
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. It seems to me that children change to use their free
time
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on
Change preposition
for
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the function that
technology
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provides, so
therefore
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, I believe the
disadvatages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
are more than
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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. The most obvious advantage is that it stimulates youngers to find their interest
on
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in
show examples
their free
time
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.
For example
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, teenagers can search
enoumours
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enormous
of educational
video
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videos
show examples
to learn anything they are interested in,
such
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as cooking, filming, or exercising, lots of videos which are teaching specific skills are provided on
this
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platform.
This
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is quite beneficial for new generations because they are able to acquire comprehensive education via
technology
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in their free
time
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, which elders did not have the opportunity to experience.
By contrast
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, the disadvantage is that most users misuse
technologe
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technology
in their spare
time
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,
for
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apply
show examples
using it as
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a peripherial
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peripherial
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peripheral
in education and
replace
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replacing
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entertainment as their priority. Certain smartphones provide online games and
tremendous
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a tremendous
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of movies to allow users to download,
this
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impacts
on
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apply
show examples
users
spend
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who spend
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too much
time
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on it, and neglect the
time
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to explore their life. Take
Taiwanese
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the Taiwanese
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new generation as an example, in their summer vacation, they spent vastly of
time
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participating in video games.
This
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result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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weight and intellect, not enough exercise affects
thir
Correct your spelling
their
health and ignoring the importance of knowledge in their free
time
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makes them uncomfortable in classes.
Such
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impacts become a harmful cycle for teenagers that force them to be addicted
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
technology
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. In conclusion, despite that
technology
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brings certain advantages to modern society, I believe the disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Parents need to have conscious
on
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of
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the
time
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that children
associated
Add a missing verb
are associated
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with
technology
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, and provide more meaningful activities for children in their extra
time
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.
Submitted by anson900506 on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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