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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that the government is responsible for the rise in obesity in childern. While other people think it is the fault of the parents. Discuss both side an give your opinion

#people #government #rise #obesity #childern #fault #parents #side #give
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Some people think that the
government
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 is responsible for the rise in
obesity
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 among
children
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. At the same ,time some people think it is the mistake of the
parents
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. In my point of ,view there are some faults on both sides but the main
responsibilities
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 should be taken by
parents
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides with some examples.
To begin
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 with, the
obesity
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 of
children
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 is increasing
due to
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 technological developments
as well as
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 the consumption of fast
food
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 and junk
food
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, which are consumed by
children
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 nowadays. If we consider the
responsibilities
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 of both
government
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 and
parents
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 sides.
Parents
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 should avoid fast
food
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 and junk
food
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, which are consumed by
children
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 unless it may increase the
obesity
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 of
children
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.
Moreover
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,
parents
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 should try to provide physical
education
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 lessons for their
children
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, which may mitigate their
obesity
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.
Due to
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 technological advancement,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 plethora of
children
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 are utilizing vehicles for their transportation, which may contribute to increasing body weight. In the modern era, there are a lot of foods, which may be contaminated with fertilizer or pesticides.
As a result
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 of that,
Add an article
the body
a body
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body weight
Correct your spelling
bodyweight
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 of
children
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 may increase with unbalanced chemical reactions in their bodies.
Hence
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,
parents
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 should take responsibility to organize
food
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 habits among their
children
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.
On the other hand
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, the
government
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 should take necessary measures to mitigate
this
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 situation.
For example
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, authorities should include physical
education
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 lessons in the school curriculum, which may trigger the students to engage in physical activities in their early stages.
Consequently
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, it may produce a positive result in
children
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's health
as well as
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 it may assist to drop
obesity
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.
Furthermore
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, the
government
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 and
education
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 departments should take action to prevent sales of fast
food
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 and junk
food
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 in the educational institutional cafe areas.
Additionally
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, rules and regulations should be implemented to lower fast
food
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 consumption by
children
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. In conclusion, there are several
responsibilities
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 for the
government
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as well as
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parents
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.
However
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, major
responsibilities
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 to reduce
obesity
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 among
children
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,
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apply
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 should be taken by their
parents
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, who is most of their time staying with
children
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. To reduce
obesity
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 rising in
children
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,
parents
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 should monitor their
children
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 and
also
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 should give better physical
education
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 lessons.
Submitted by n.piriyan997 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • public health campaign
  • dietary habits
  • physical education programs
  • junk food advertisements
  • regulations
  • childhood obesity
  • nutritional education
  • parental influence
  • supportive environments
What to do next:
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