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Band 6

In many part of the world, children are given more freedom than in the past. Is this a positive or negative development?

#part #world #children #freedom #development
Nowadays, in many societies, the youth have
access
 to more
freedom
 compared to the past. Whilst there are some drawbacks associated with
this
 availability, I believe the main benefits are more substantial. On one hand, the primary advantage of having more
freedom
 is that giving permission
utilizing
Wrong verb form
to utilise
show examples
 up-to-the-minute gadgets leads to the privilege of having
access
 to higher education sources and reinforcing their knowledge.
In addition
, having
access
 to technology not only provides teenagers with a wide range of information to enhance their knowledge but
also
 plays an important role in order to find their passion for a specific subject which can be their future job.
For example
, some channels on YouTube can be highly beneficial for children to learn more about a particular subject which used to be unavailable. A
further
 benefit of
freedom
 is that the youngsters have the opportunity to express their opinions which brings about a greater development in their personalities and more self-confidence as well.
For instance
, children who have been asked about their ideas feel more invaluable and have a chance to accelerate their maturity process.
On the other hand
, giving
freedom
 excessively can give rise to
facing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
major problems. One disadvantage of
freedom
 is that youngsters are more likely to be threatened by consuming cigarettes or other harmful drugs.
Therefore
, parents should allocate their children and raise their awareness about the detrimental effects of these behaviours. Another negative point of giving
freedom
 is that teenagers can be prone to some dangerous tasks which can bring about vital issues.
For example
, being allowed to drive under the legal age may be prone for society. On balance, it is true that giving
freedom
 would seem disadvantageous under certain circumstances.
However
, in my view, its positive influences in terms of
access
 to greater education and boosting their self-confidence outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by fatemeh.gh9797 on

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Task Response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly address the question and provide a preview and summary of the main points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a more diverse range of linking words and cohesive devices to create a smoother flow of ideas and improve overall coherence.
Lexical Resource
Vary your vocabulary and use more sophisticated and precise lexical choices to enhance the overall quality of the essay.
Grammatical Range
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures to demonstrate a more advanced command of grammar and to add complexity to your ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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