IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2000 to 2007

The bar chart below shows the hours per week that teenagers spend doing certain activities in Chester from 2000 to 2007
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The bar chart reveals the data of
teenagers
Use synonyms
, who spent
time
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 doing several activities in Chester from 2002 to 2007
Overall
Linking Words
, it could be observed that
teenagers
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 spent a lot of
time
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 watching
television
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,
while
Linking Words
 they spent a short
time
Use synonyms
 bowling from 2000 to 2007.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the spent
time
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 going to pubs, watching
television
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 and shopping gradually increased in the given period,
while
Linking Words
 doing homework and doing sport decreased from 2000 to 2007
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, the
time
Use synonyms
 spent on the activities of watching DVDs, and bowling, which was done by
teenagers
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, was not stable in a given period.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
time
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 spent on bowling activities from 2002 to 2007 did not reach 5
hours
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,
while
Linking Words
 watching
television
Use synonyms
 reached the peak hour.
In addition
Linking Words
, watching
television
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 approximately reached 38
hours
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 by 2007.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
teenagers
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 started spending below 10
hours
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 going to pubs and shopping in 2002.
However
Linking Words
, late in ,2004 both exceed 10
hours
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words teenagers, time, television, hours with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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