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Band 4.5

Some people think that poverty is the reason for most crimes. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #poverty #reason #crimes
Some individuals assume that the reason for underdevelopment is the increase in crimes.
Although
 the writer contends that bankruptcy
has
Verb problem
is
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relation
Replace the word
related
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 to crimes
due to
 their difficulty in socializing with residents after being out of jail and many crimes
which are
Verb problem
that
show examples
involved
Wrong verb form
involve
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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budget, and finance’s victim, others think that criminals have no influence on difficulty because of their effort to be good citizens.
To begin
 with, it is undeniable that most wrongdoings after being out of prison face the shock of outside culture
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and development.
This
 is because the life in prison where gangland can not access the Internet in order to catch up with news in the association. For that reason, after being released from jail, they will not adapt to the new lives with other people.
This
 act absolutely leads them to underdevelopment by being isolated from civilization. Take Vietnam,
for example
, 90% of the mob can not be employed to earn money which
rises
Correct your spelling
raises
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 the rate of starvation.
Besides
 that, there are
loads
Fix the agreement mistake
load
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 of lawlessness that
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 related to money. It is acknowledged that if a business got trapped by organized crime, there would be a considerable loss of budget,
money
Correct word choice
and money
show examples
 that can result in that company’s bankruptcy. Once
this
 act is multiplied by many other firms, culture has to suffer from the famine which is caused by the case.
For instance
, a throwback to the 1900s, Japan
faces
Wrong verb form
faced
show examples
an economic crisis
due to
 the bombing of the US soldiers that headed Japan to a permanent shortage until the next decades.
Furthermore
, some people have the belief that organized crime does not affect underdevelopment because parts of gangland try to be good residents after being out of prison, Despite many demanding challenges they experience, if their attempts to change themselves are enough, they partly contribute to the betterment of nation by paying taxes periodically from getting jobs.
For example
, it is recorded that syndicates in China are helpful to associations after being released from lockup
due to
 their meaningful actions. In conclusion in spite of the benefits that syndicates bring out to reduce hardship, the writer believes that misconduct that resorts to the difficulty is attributed to their previous wrongdoings.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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