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Band 5

Some people think the best way to solve global environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#people #cost #fuel
Global environmental changes are unquestionably the most prevalent and worrying issues in any society, and their prevention should be taken seriously. Despite a few problems,
such
 as plastic production and the absence of recycling, I reckon that the decision
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
raising
Replace the word
raise
show examples
 prices for
fuel
 is definitely the best way to prevent the worldwide catastrophe. On one hand, the main environmental issue of global warming is caused by two significant factors, which are burning fossil fuels and deforestation.
Firstly
, expensive
fuel
 could actually decrease
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 number of cars bought by people
due to
 the fact of economic purposes.
As a consequence
, people would have a lower level of horrible emissions, which are produced by cars.
Secondly
, if the amount of vehicles is stable, hundreds of new roads would not be needed, and more forests and parks could be saved.
Therefore
, the greenhouse effect, caused by transport pollution, could be managed by the natural process of carbon dioxide absorption.
On the other hand
, there are still a few factors, which could not be removed by changing a price tag. It is known that plastic has not been already replaced by other materials, so its production could not be immediately restricted.
Moreover
, most people are not used to recycling various types of waste,
consequently
, tons of rubbish are supposed to threaten the surrounding area.
Therefore
, hundreds of humans consider
fuel
 price raising to be an inappropriate solution.
To conclude
, despite varying opinions, I believe that the advantages of increasing the cost of
fuel
 completely outweigh the relative disadvantages. Without a doubt,
this
 solution would be the first useful step, which government should take in order to protect the environment.
Submitted by sofsya.fedorenko.2001 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but need to be more clearly defined. Try to focus on the main idea of each paragraph and ensure they are logically structured.
Task Achievement
You have presented relevant ideas, but the response is not complete and lacks a clear focus. Make sure to address all aspects of the question and avoid going off-topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption
  • emissions
  • alternative energy
  • conservation
  • mitigate
  • renewable energy technologies
  • affordability
  • collective action
  • innovation in energy efficiency
  • global cooperation
  • environmental measures
  • pollution
  • economic disparity
  • revenue
  • sustainable development
  • environmental sustainability
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