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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014

The chart below shows the top ten countries with the highest spending on travel in 2014
#ten #countries #travel
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The bar chart illustrates how
the
Correct article usage
apply
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China, USA, Germany, UK, Singapore, South Korea, Hong Kong, India, Malaysia, and Taiwan
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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spent their
money
Use synonyms
 on travelling in 2014.
Overall
Linking Words
, China took
the
Correct article usage
apply
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first place in the expending
money
Use synonyms
 on travelling among all
countries
Use synonyms
 in that year.
Although
Linking Words
 Taiwan was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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10th place among them all.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart in 2014
the
Correct article usage
apply
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China
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
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spent 110
billion
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
, which was the highest compared to the other
countries
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. Both USA and Germany took 2nd and 3rd places in the list, which were above 85
billion
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
. And
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 spent too much
money
Use synonyms
 in that year on travelling, which was 55
billion
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 the other
countries
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didn't
Correct pronoun usage
that didn't
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spent
Change the verb form
spend
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 too much
money
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 on travelling,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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seized 5th to 10th places,
include
Wrong verb form
including
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:
Remove the comma
apply
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 Singapore, South Korea, Hong Kong, India, Malaysia, and Taiwan. Those
countries
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 only spent around 10 to 25
billion
Use synonyms
USD
Use synonyms
 on travelling in 2014.
Submitted by bashdar.hussen on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words money, countries, billion, usd with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Expenditure
  • Destinations
  • Global economy
  • Tourist influx
  • Consumption patterns
  • Luxury travel
  • Budget tourism
  • Outbound tourism
  • Disposable income
  • Exchange rates
  • Tourism sector
  • Hospitality industry
  • Inbound tourism
  • Travel advisories
  • Infrastructure
  • Revenue generation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Leisure activities
  • Global events
  • Tourist demographics
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