IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people’s coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities.
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The given bar graph illustrates the result of a survey in order to show the consumption of two popular
drinks
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 and the average going to cafes in five cities of Australia:
Sydney
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,
Melbourne
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,
Brisbane
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,
Adelaide
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, and
Hobart
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in
Change preposition
for
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 a duration of 4 weeks. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is obvious that people in these five cities of Australia frequently went to a cafe to order
drinks
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.
While
Linking Words
 the vast majority of spending area is coffee in all cities, in
Sydney
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 and
Melbourne
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 more people tend to drink
tea
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.
However
Linking Words
, the usage of
tea
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 is quite less in
Brisbane
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,
Adelaide
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, and
Hobart
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. Expenditure on
drinks
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 approximately
rangedfrom
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ranged from
range from
a low of 49% in
Adelaide
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 to a higher level of 63% samely in
Melbourne
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 and
Hobart
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, with
Sydney
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 (61%) and
Brisbane
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 (56%) in between, in
this
Linking Words
 4 weeks period. In terms of comparison of consuming these 2
drinks
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 in the given length, the residents of
Brisbane
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 had used 2 times more coffee (53%) than
tea
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 (34%). Nearly the same happened in
Hobart
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 and
Adelaide
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 with 23% and 21% in margin.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the population of
Melbourne
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 had chosen coffee 54%, almost 5% superior rather than
tea
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,
while
Linking Words
Sydney
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 citizens' percentages demonstrate an approximate equality, with just a
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in
difference
Add an article
the difference
a difference
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 between these two common
drinks
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.
Submitted by m.defaee1 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words drinks, sydney, melbourne, brisbane, adelaide, hobart, tea with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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