Leaders and directors in an organization are frequently older people, Some People think young leaders would be better. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#leaders #directors #organization #people

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It is true that senior management in

companies

is filled with older

people

While

many

people

argue that they should be replaced by young

people

, I am of the opposite view that

company

leadership must consist of mature

people

who will bring effectiveness and efficiency to the organization. Mature leadership brings a myriad of attributes for a successful

company

To begin

with, they bring

wealth

Add an article

a wealth

show examples

of experience to the table.

For instance

, most of the CEOs of

companies

are the ones who started the

company

in the first place

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and worked their way up to understand how the business model work.

Secondly

, taking risks is a part of becoming a leader,

whereas

research has shown that the majority of young leaders will have second thoughts in taking

risk

Fix the agreement mistake

risks

show examples

over rewards. As an example, it was Steve

job's

Fix the agreement mistake

Jobs's

show examples

decision to disrupt the mobile phone market with high quality, and high price product which paid off to be a

sucessful

Correct your spelling

successful

venture.

On the contrary

, one would argue that young blood will bring modern thinking to a

company

Firstly

, the cognitive capability itself will not pave the way when it comes to making critical decisions in a tough environment.

Moreover

, it is believed that 90 per cent of young leaders lack the ability to negotiate and have empathy towards their subordinates which is alarming.

This

will not only create

Change preposition

apply

show examples

balance in teams

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

create a negative culture which will destroy the business eventually. In conclusion, though young leaders are the future of

companies

, it is my view that they should be groomed properly and go through intensive training for years before taking up management roles in

companies

Submitted by madonnasama on Fri Jul 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

Ensure that there is a clear progression of ideas within each paragraph. Currently, the essay could benefit from better internal cohesion, especially in explaining how specific examples directly support the main points.

task achievement

Proofread your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos (e.g., ‘how the business model work’ should be ‘how the business model works’, ‘sucessful’ should be ‘successful’).

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction that sets up the topic and thesis statement effectively.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and offers a forward-looking statement.

task achievement

The essay provides relevant and specific examples to support the main points, such as the mention of Steve Jobs.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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