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Band 7

Today more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

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Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
Use synonyms
 that overweight than ever before. They tend to consume many foods that contain high calories and feel reluctant to exercise. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the factors that contribute towards overweight and explain the main effects of
this
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 epidemic.
To begin
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 with, there are several causes of
this
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 epidemic. The main reason is the sugary drinks and foods. In
this
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 modern age, society can easily find food and drinks with high sugar content. It makes
people
Use synonyms
 that consume it gain more calories in their bodies.
Moreover
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,
people
Use synonyms
also
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 feel reluctant to exercise. Society become busier than ever. They become more competitive in their work lives.
However
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, their busy lives make them not have time to take a gym or do exercises. They usually feel tired after work and take a rest.
As a result
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,
people
Use synonyms
 become getting fat easily. Meanwhile, being overweight can be harmful to society. Being overweight can make
citizens
Use synonyms
 sick. The citizen that consumes high sugar every day can make them easily be attacked by disease
such
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 as diabetes. It will make their scar hard to heal.
This
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 open scar can
also
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 be contaminated by batteries which can occur gastritis.
Moreover
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,
citizens
Use synonyms
 that have diabetes get easily tired of doing their work. For illustration, workers can not submit the job on time because they feel so sleepy every time.
Consequently
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,
people
Use synonyms
 can not put their best in jobs.
To sum up
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, it is becoming increasingly common for
citizens
Use synonyms
 to consume sugary food and drink and feel hard to take exercise.
This
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 trend makes
citizens
Use synonyms
 overweight.
However
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,
this
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 epidemic can be harmful to
citizens
Use synonyms
such
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 as getting diabetes which leads to hindering their ability in doing their daily activities.

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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