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Writing Samples
Band 5

​Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in thefuture, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#​some #people #university #students #study #subjects #thefuture #science #technology
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A part of the society believes that learners should be allowed to choose their
subjects
Use synonyms
 in the university.
While
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,
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apply
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 others say that they should study
subjects
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such
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 as
science
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 and computer which will be useful in
future
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. I wholeheartedly agree that scholars should pick
subjects
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 of their own interest because all
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tutees are not excellent in studies, they might have
interest
Correct article usage
an interest
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 in other skills like craft, dancing and singing that could help them to make their career. The primary reason to support the first testimonial is that every individual
do
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does
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 not have
same
Correct article usage
the same
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 thinking capability.
Therefore
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, there are some juveniles who do not pass with good grades but they have excellent creativity skills, which could help them to get successful in
future
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.
All
Rephrase
Not all
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Correct article usage
apply
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the
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apply
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students
do not
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apply
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have dreams
to become
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of becoming
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 engineers, technicians or doctors
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apply
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Correct word choice
apply
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whereas
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, they have
Correct article usage
the desire
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desire
Correct article usage
the desire
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 to become famous singers, dancers or cricketers to earn name and fame.
For example
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, in an interview, Virat Kholi
told
Verb problem
said
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 that his parents had
desire
Correct article usage
a desire
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 to see their child as a lawyer but, he followed his interest and became a famous cricketer and
have
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has
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net
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a net
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 worth of 10 billion dollars annually. On the flip side, if the learners choose
the
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apply
show examples
subjects
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 like
science
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, maths and
computer
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computers
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then
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 they can have relentless job opportunities in
their
Change the word
the
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future
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 because
science
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 and technology are developing
at
Change preposition
to
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an
Change the article
a
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 great extent and in the
future
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,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 variety of technological jobs will be available.
Hence
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, adults
those
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are attending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
science
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 schools,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have bright
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future
Fix the agreement mistake
futures
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 with huge earning packages.
For instance
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, scientists are giving more importance to the development of
roberts
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Roberts
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 so that, they can replace humans to perform heavy load tasks and in
future
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, the demand for the number of scientists is going to rise enormously to develop artificial humans and
this
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 job pays billions of dollars to the person.
To conclude
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,
although
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 learning
subjects
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 like
science
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 and technology in university is instrumental indeed
but
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apply
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, it is more appropriate for the students when they are allowed to choose their own
subjects
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 because they might not be good at academic
subjects
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 but, they have other beneficial skills like dancing, singing to succeed in their careers.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, but consider a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses both views before stating your position.
task achievement
While your essay includes relevant examples, ensuring a more precise connection between these examples and your argument will strengthen your case. Whenever presenting an example, explicitly state how it supports your point to ensure clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a fair structure; however, try to improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using a wider range of linking words. This will help guide the reader through your argument more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within the paragraph support this main idea. Some paragraphs in your essay deviate from their main point, which can confuse readers.
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