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Band 7

the table and pie chart shows the percntage of people before and after refurbishment and the satisfaction rate

the table and pie chart shows the percntage of people before and after refurbishment and the satisfaction rate
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The given table illustrates how many
people
Use synonyms
 flock to Ashdown Museum throughout the year before and after its renovation.
While
Linking Words
 the provided pie chart demonstrated the level of
people
Use synonyms
's satisfaction.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the table and the chart is that after the Museum ,refurbishment the number of visitors increased considerably.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the level of satisfied
people
Use synonyms
 after refurbishment surged
while
Linking Words
 dissatisfied visitors decreased sharply.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who did not give any response remained stable before and after the renovation. After the museum ,renovation the number of visitors increased by less than a fifth.
While
Linking Words
 the majority of
people
Use synonyms
 after refurbishment were very satisfied and
satisfied
Replace the word
satisfaction
show examples
 increased by approximately 2 fifth for both categories. In ,contrast individuals who are dissatisfied and very dissatisfied
people
Use synonyms
 saw a considerable decrease after the building upgrade by less than a third for both.
In addition
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
 who are not giving any response during the whole period before and after, their rate was stable and constant by 5% in turn .

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in addition, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stable" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "considerably" was used 2 times.
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