Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

#children #smartphones #case #development

It's true that

smartphones

are used by

children

every day. Using

smartphones

children

in their daily lives is a controversial issue that people like debating about. I will explain why

children

spend the majority of their time on

smartphones

and why I assume that

this

trend will have negative impacts on them.

Firstly

smartphones

have

advantages

Correct article usage

the advantages

show examples

of easy-to-use and

convenience

Replace the word

convenient

show examples

since it enables people to communicate with others all the time through social media and chatting apps.

Also

, it makes them

Change preposition

apply

show examples

readily search for whatever they want to know about their studies.

Moreover

children

easily get instant pleasure using

smartphones

since they can choose the various

entertainments

Fix the agreement mistake

entertainment

show examples

such

as online games,

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

video clips on YouTube, and Netflix.

However

smartphones

exert

extremely

Add an article

an extremely

show examples

negative influence on young

children

. There are two main drawbacks: Firsts,

children

are exposed to a huge amount of harmful, obscene, and violent information through the internet. Sometimes even though

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

obscene video clips online do not block the kids and they get to watch

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

without any protection.

Secondly

, they can easily be addicted to instant pleasure, which has a negative impact on their concentration. Shorts in social media trigger

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

dopamine and make them addicted. As

result

Correct article usage

a result

show examples

, kids can watch a movie which has

long-running

Correct article usage

a long-running

show examples

time. In conclusion,

smartphones

give some benefits of easy-to-use and convenience for those reasons

children

are keen on using

Correct pronoun usage

them

show examples

However

, it has the negative effects of being exposed to a vast amount of harmful data online and

additionally

make

Change the verb form

makes

show examples

them extremely addicted to instant dopamine.

Submitted by mirae.han316 on Sat Aug 05 2023

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Fully explain your ideas

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Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

257 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some children spend every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people think that family has the most powerful influence on a child’s development, while others think that other factors such as television, friend, music have the biggest effects. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

According to observations, some animal species have become extinct or endangered in recent decades. What are reasons behind this tendency?What effects it may have on ecosystem in general?

Buying things on the Internet, such as books, air tickets and groceries, is becoming more and more popular. Do the advantages of shopping in this way outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.