IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many young people today spend too much time following the latest fashion trends in areas such as clothing and technology. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the drawbacks?

#people #time #fashion #trends #areas #technology #trend
There are a lot of young people that spend too much of their time and money to follow the latest fashion trends in areas
such
 as clothing and technology. It is that kind of people that will buy a new version of a product that a company release for their consumers to buy just because it has a slight improvement from the latest variation. The improvement may not be significant, but the price is far higher than the previous one. When we buy something
that is
 new to us like new shoes,
new
Correct word choice
or new
show examples
 phones, there is
this
 feeling of satisfaction. The excitement
where
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 we watch as our shoes
being
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 packed, when we open the box at home and admire it, all of that doesn't count when you keep buying new things every week. The feeling of pleasure will surely dissipate. There are
also
 people that will buy
merchandises
Fix the agreement mistake
merchandise
show examples
, or follow their
idols
Change noun form
idol's
idols'
show examples
 fashion clothes. As long as they buy it as something precious as a
memoriam
Correct your spelling
memorial
; an object that can remind them of their idols, it is a good thing. But when it becomes a habit and all those things that have been bought end up in a trash bin, it'
ll
 only waste their money. The main point is to spend money wisely. It
doesnt
Correct your spelling
doesn't
 mean you shall restrict yourself from buying anything expensive but it means to buy something good so rarely that you'
ll
 be at the edge of your seat waiting to obtain it and so that you'
ll
 cherish it. And not only that, you may need to buy yourself something nice for yourself when you finish a project, or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
 something significant as a reward for your hard work. With that in mind, you'
ll
 have no longer
spending
Change the verb form
to spend
show examples
 too much time following the latest fashion trends in areas
such
 as clothing and
tecnology
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Submitted by twiggseducationbdg on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: