IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

It is suggested that everyone in the world should have a car, a TV and a fridge. Do you think the disadvantages outweigh the advantages for society？

#world #car #tv #fridge #society？
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
With the development of technology, plenty of equipment significantly facilitates human beings’
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 some argue that most people should possess
such
Linking Words
 facilities, I think that those lead to a negative influence on society.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, facilities allow us to live convenient lives and boost the domestic economy. With the improvement of equipment, we can easily take advantage of those and save our time and energy to do other business which can contribute to more economic value.
For instance
Linking Words
, compared to life two decades ago, most commercial merchants had to spend abundant time on
transportation
Use synonyms
 without vehicles;
whereas
Linking Words
, they are able to easily travel to other districts and countries by new
transportation
Use synonyms
 system.
As a result
Linking Words
, facilities can not only effectively enhance our life’s quality to a better level but
also
Linking Words
 stimulate the economy.
However
Linking Words
, in my perspective, those
transportation
Use synonyms
 tools and electric products bring about more disadvantages. As we know, a large proportion of CO2 is produced by
transportation
Use synonyms
 systems, including vehicles, planes, and boats.
Although
Linking Words
 those tools facilitate people commuting to other places, they contribute to a number of detrimental emissions to Earth and even deteriorate the situation of global warming.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, so hard for governments to ensure that energy which is produced by domestic can afford so many aspects, from
transportation
Use synonyms
 to house-using equipment. With the rising demand for electric power, governments would turn to
seek
Verb problem
apply
show examples
nuclear power. In
this
Linking Words
 context, it may give rise to the risk that all the residences need to bear the risks of nuclear power. In conclusion, despite the fact that more and more inventions benefit people’s daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, I strongly believe that they give rise to more disadvantages and harm our society.
Submitted by wayne685241 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
The essay provided a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt. However, it could benefit from more specific and relevant examples to support the main points.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is mostly clear, but there are some areas where the coherence and cohesion could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the connections between ideas could be more explicit.
lexical resource
The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and uses appropriate language to express ideas. However, more varied and precise vocabulary could enhance the depth of the discussion.
grammatical range
The grammatical range is sufficient to communicate the writer's ideas clearly. However, there are occasional errors in sentence structure and word choice that could be improved.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: