IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
In the
last
 decade, the use of technology in our daily life is increased significantly.
Due to
this
trend
Add a comma
,trend
show examples
 people are often filmed without
be
Change the verb form
being
show examples
 conscious. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the benefit and drawbacks of
this
 situation and explain why I think it has more negative impacts than positive
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 on us. There is a main reason for thinking that
this
 situation brings a benefit.
Firstly
, it is essential that people are informed when there is a camera which is recording the area
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 as if something happens you know that there is proof.
For example
, if you are
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a train and somebody stole your wallet, you can ask for some help
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the train company and, with the police’s support, have a chance to identify the burglar.
On the other hand
,
this
 trend is useful for many businesses. First of all, a company can collect a lot of information about our characteristics and behaviours.
In other words
, for
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
 it is an easy way to find new solutions for selling products and services.
For
this
 reason, customers should be aware of
this
, in order that they can pay attention to it and, maybe, avoid buying something
that is
 not necessary.
Furthermore
, somebody can use technology to spy
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
 people, and
this
 is a big problem because our privacy is
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
dangerous. In conclusion, I believe that nowadays we are recorded everywhere and most of all without any
reasons
Fix the agreement mistake
reason
show examples
. Being filmed is a good thing if it is possible to prevent awful situations or find evidence, but not for other
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
.
Submitted by quarenghi.lisa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: