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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some countries achieve international sports by building specialised facilities to train top athletes, instead of providing sports facilities that everyone can use. Do you think this is positive or negative development? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #sports #facilities #train #athletes #development
The Impacts of doing
sports
 on physical and mental well-being are manifold.
Therefore
, governments should provide sufficient
facilities
 for their people
as well as
encouraging
Wrong verb form
encourage
show examples
 them to do
such
 activities. Governments’ attention to
sports
 could be judged by their countries’ success rate in international competitions.
However
,
this
 may not be a good standard
due to
 its shortcomings in including ordinary people. Professional athletes could set a great example for all of us in terms of improving our physical shape and doing
sports
 more often. Younger generations
in particular
 are often selecting a role model and imitating his or her actions. So If they pick a footballer,
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 NBA player or even a boxer as their superhero, they have a better chance to be active and healthy just like them.
Moreover
, it will simply lower the chances of them doing harmful habits like smoking or doing drugs. In
this
 manner, paying attention to professional
sports
 could not only bring silverware but can it
also
 improve public health. In the past, regular workout and a healthy
life-style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 sufficient for a talented athlete to
became
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 successful in his or her field. But nowadays, it is necessary to invest a huge amount of money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 specialized
facilities
 and modern technologies in order to win anything in an international competition in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
show examples
 to public
sports
 complexes that can
built
Change the verb form
build
be built
show examples
 with multiple times lesser money.
Therefore
, many experts believe that investment in public
facilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should take precedence over spending
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 amount of finance in exclusive training camps for professionals. In conclusion ,
while
 investing in professional
sports
 could improve general health by setting a good example for
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
, governments shouldn’t spend their total
sport’s
Change noun form
sports
show examples
 budget on it.
Cause
Correct word choice
Because
show examples
 increasing public
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
facilities
 is a fundamental requirement to improve public health.
Submitted by amin.gerami on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • specialised facilities
  • train top athletes
  • international sports
  • boost
  • reputation
  • attract
  • sporting events
  • access
  • general public
  • inequality
  • opportunities
  • overemphasis
  • elite sports
  • neglect
  • grassroots development
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