Some people think that governments should ban dangerous sports, while others think people should have freedom to do any sports or activity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is asserted that dangerous
sports
should be restricted
while
there is an opinion that
people
should participate in
sports
activities
freely. After examining these different perspectives, I believe that
people
have the right to join any sport. On the one hand, there are many who claim that the government should forbid
those
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
adventure
sports
. The primary reason for
this
viewpoint is that some
sports
might have negative effects on participants.
For example
,
people
are afraid that getting involved in boxing or wrestling
marks
Verb problem
has
show examples
an adverse influence on athletes' characteristics, making them develop a violent proclivity.
In addition
, there is a likelihood of
people
being injured as they engage in
such
risky
activities
. Various unexpected cases are reported among players who take part in those dangerous
sports
.
Nevertheless
, I am of the opinion that
this
ban should not be imposed as I contend that the choice of experiencing
activities
which involve high levels of risk lies on each individual. There is a common belief that joining extreme
sports
increases the chance of being in danger.
However
, organisations that offer those
sports
services invest a large amount of money in facilities and
sports
equipment, and they
also
implement policies to guarantee players' safety. The probability of unforeseen situations is decreased as they are provided with thorough accompaniment by supervisors and coaches during their participation.
Moreover
, being involved in any field of sport means that
people
are inclined to get injured.
Thus
,
instead
of banning
such
adventure
activities
, I recommend the governors invest in facilities and rescue aids in an attempt that participants have a safe and appealing experience. In conclusion,
this
essay supports the idea that
people
should have the freedom to participate in any sport. I suggest that there is more support for guaranteeing
people
's safety,
instead
of imposing a prohibition on dangerous
sports
, which prevents
people
interested in adventures from experiencing.
Submitted by lamminhhuy78 on

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task response
Task Response: You have covered both views and presented your own opinion clearly. However, make sure to address the specific points from the essay prompt in more detail and consider presenting a balanced discussion of the two views before stating your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: Your essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported and the essay is well-organized. To improve, use more linking devices to connect ideas and ensure that the progression of ideas from one paragraph to the next is seamless.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • severe injuries
  • fatalities
  • base jumping
  • bull running
  • extreme skiing
  • safeguard
  • well-being
  • regulating
  • avoidable harm
  • healthcare costs
  • burdening
  • personal freedom
  • autonomy
  • training
  • equipment
  • mitigated
  • personal satisfaction
  • mental health benefits
  • resilience
  • adventure
  • assess risks
  • public safety
  • unnecessary healthcare costs
  • outright bans
  • balanced approach
  • stringent safety standards
  • mandatory training sessions
  • adequately informed
  • safeguarding
  • public health
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