IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many elderly people are no long looked after by their families but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

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In the modern world, a large number of families tend to put their
elder
Correct word choice
elderly
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parents
Use synonyms
 in aged
care
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 because they do not want to look after their
parents
Use synonyms
. By doing
this
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, it could have advantages for their elderly
parents
Use synonyms
.
However
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, there are many disadvantages to
this
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 action as well.
This
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 essay argues strongly in favour of the latter position, and in the following paragraphs, both of these views will be discussed in detail before the conclusion is reached. On the one hand, it is certainly true that aged
cares
Fix the agreement mistake
care
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 many convenient things to contribute to elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are enjoyment and families can save time
to look
Change preposition
in looking
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 after them as well.
This
Linking Words
 is because aged
care
Use synonyms
 has nursing
people
Use synonyms
 to take
care
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 of them and provide them with a lot of activities as well and their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
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 do not need to worry about them.
For instance
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, many elderly in the UK enjoy going to aged
care
Use synonyms
 than staying at home.
As a result
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, aged
care
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 is a good choice for families that have no
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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 to look after their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Nevertheless
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, it cannot be denied that some elders think if their kids put them in aged
care
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 ,means they are
abandoning
Wrong verb form
abandoned
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, and
will
Correct pronoun usage
this will
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make
Verb problem
have
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an adverse effects
Correct the article-noun agreement
an adverse effect
adverse effects
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 on their health.
This
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 is particularly because some elders are happy to stay at home. To illustrate
this
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 point,
according to
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 a recent research study by Harvard University, approximately 20% of elder
people
Use synonyms
. in the US aged carers
are preferring
Wrong verb form
prefer
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 to stay at home because they feel
loneliness
Replace the word
lonely
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, putting elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in aged
care
Use synonyms
 can make them feel lonely and
this
Linking Words
 feeling can
be harmed to
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
 their health. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 aged
care
Use synonyms
 is a good choice for
people
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have no time to look after their
parents
Use synonyms
, putting elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in aged
care
Use synonyms
 can make them feel lonely and
this
Linking Words
 feeling can
be harmed to
Wrong verb form
harm
show examples
 their health.

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task response
Address the prompt more thoroughly and provide a balanced discussion of both the advantages and disadvantages.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the organization of the essay by using clearer topic sentences and providing smoother transitions between ideas.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Professional care
  • Medical attention
  • Trained staff
  • Social interaction
  • Combat loneliness
  • Safety and security
  • Relief for families
  • Loss of autonomy
  • Emotional impact
  • Cost
  • Financial strain
  • Quality of care
  • Neglect and abuse
  • Detachment from family
  • Mental wellbeing
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