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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risk, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risk #lives #risks
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Some
people
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 argue that embracing risks is essential in not only the professional sphere but
also
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 in personal
life
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. Despite the fact that there are some drawbacks to taking risky behaviours in personal and career aspects of our lives, in my personal opinion, the benefits greatly outweigh the disadvantages. On the plus side, no one can deny that taking risks in personal and professional
life
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 would provide valuable lessons and opportunities for growth and learning.
This
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 means that when
people
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 step outside familiar boundaries, it can serve as the foundation for personal growth and increased maturity.
Moreover
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, if
people
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 engage in ventures in their careers, it can open doors to new opportunities and developments. Bill Gates,
for example
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,
becomes
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became
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 one of the most successful entrepreneurs
due to
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 his risky approaches at the beginning of his career. On the negative side, the pitfalls of risk-taking in personal and professional
life
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 should not be overlooked.
In other words
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, having risky behaviours in personal relationships, especially marriage, would result in adverse consequences for the wife and husband and
thus
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 they can not rely on each other through thick and thin. In the professional sphere, if big companies invest all their resources in a field without proper evaluations, which is one of the most risky actions in the business,
this
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 might lead to financial predicaments. Taking my personal
life
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 as an example, my father's factory lost all its wealth because of a wrong investment in a new invention, which was not accepted by society. In conclusion, weighing both sides of the arguments I would say that the benefits of embracing risks outweigh the drawbacks because a risky lifestyle can cause development and growth in
people
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's personal and professional realm.
Submitted by parismasoumzadeh7495 on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and direct link between supporting points and the overall argument.
lexical resource
Use more varied and precise vocabulary.
grammatical range accuracy
Pay attention to your sentence structure and grammar.
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