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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperatures and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.
#show #temperatures #hours #sunshine #year #three #cities
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The graph illustrates changes in average
temperatures
Use synonyms
 per month and the table compares the
hours
Use synonyms
 of sunshine average in a year in
London
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,New
York
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 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
although
Linking Words
London
Use synonyms
 and New
York
Use synonyms
 become warmer,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the
temperatures
Use synonyms
 start to decrease near the end of the year.The total
hours
Use synonyms
 in New
York
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 and
Sydney
Use synonyms
 are nearly the same and significantly higher than that in
London
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. Regarding the first graph,the changes in
temperatures
Use synonyms
 in
London
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 and New
York
Use synonyms
 show a similarity average
temperatures
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 in both
London
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 and New
York
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, respectively peaking at 23
degrees
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 and 29
degrees
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 in July,
while
Linking Words
 January is the month when
Sydney
Use synonyms
 experiences the warmest decrease to an average of around 5
degrees
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 in December and January,3
degrees
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 lower than the figure for
London
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,
while
Linking Words
Sydney
Use synonyms
 shows the lowest average
temperatures
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 in July,reaching just over 15
degrees
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. In terms of the shining
hours
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,New
York
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 has the highest annual
hours
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 of sunshine at around 2,535.Meanwhile,
Sydney
Use synonyms
 recorded 2,473 as the number of shining
hours
Use synonyms
,which is roughly double the figure in
London
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by anhnguhongmai on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperatures, hours, london, york, sydney, degrees with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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