IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many things that used to be done in the home by hands are now being done by machines. Does this develomeng bring more advantages or disadvantages.

#home #hands #machines #develomeng
Nowadays, we can observe how
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
 is increasing in large measure. It generates a
discuss
Replace the word
discussion
show examples
 about if it is better or worst for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. Many people believe that more facilities can do us dumb
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 and
also
 could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
generate
unhappy
Replace the word
unhappiness
show examples
.
Although
, other people
are agree
Change the verb form
agree
show examples
 with
this
 and believe that can improve their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Firstly
, the benefits of
technology
 should be taken. Productivity is very important to advance
such
 as society and I know
that is
 difficult
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
 the time to learn about all
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 changes but I am sure that they are for
better
Correct article usage
the better
show examples
. I remember when I bought a phone for my grandmother and
first
Change preposition
at first
show examples
 she was stressed but
overtime
Correct your spelling
over time
show examples
 she can learnt and after that she appreciated my gift because she could do calls with her friends.
On the other hand
, the disadvantages of excess use of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 things use to be that people don´t have to think a lot because
technology
 makes all for them. It could be a trouble
due to
 humans need to think to maintain our brain
healthly
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
. When I was a child, I had to remember where was my house when I went back. Now, with our
cellphones
Add a comma
,cellphones
show examples
 we don´t
need
Add the particle
toneed
show examples
 remember anything , it is crazy! In summary, I believe that we have to take the good things about
technology
 like
also
 we should search
other
Change preposition
for other
show examples
 things to work our brain like a puzzle
for instance
. I am absolutely sure that it came to do easier our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 than if we would not have
this
 available.
Submitted by franciscogonzalezrusso on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: