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Writing Samples
Band 6

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages (Social)?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas
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In many urban
areas
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 , planners tend to arrange
shops
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, schools,
offices
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 and houses in specific places and separate them from each other.
Although
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this
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 policy can bring demerits including,
increase
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increasing
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need
Add an article
the need
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 of
people
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 to
use
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 their cars. I believe the merits of
this
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 trend exceed
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
 because it can
mtigate
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mitigate
traffic
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 congestion and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of
crime
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. On the one hand, the primary downside of
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
shops
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, schools,
offices
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 and
homes
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 in specific
areas
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 and
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
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 them from each other is
Correct article usage
the increase
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increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 need
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people
Change preposition
for people
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 to
use
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 their vehicles in cities.
For example
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,
people
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 need to travel long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
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from their
homes
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 to
shops
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Correct word choice
and mall
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mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
, which
wast
Wrong verb form
wastes
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considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
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aomng
Correct your spelling
amount
 for
people
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 in order to
commuting
Replace the word
commute
show examples
.
Furthermore
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, more need to
use
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 cars
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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 more air pollution
releases
Wrong verb form
released
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 from cars.
Therefore
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, the quality of air will decrease, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
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 chronic diseases namely, cancer, heart attack,
high
Correct word choice
and high
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 blood pressure.
On the other hand
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, I would like to argue the
beneftis
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
this
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 development
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first advantage of
this
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 trend is can contribute to
alleviate
Change the verb form
alleviating
show examples
traffic
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 jams in urban
areas
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. To illustrate,
for example
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, when the
offices
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 are separate from
school
Correct article usage
the school
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this
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 can reduce
traffic
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 volume
in
Change preposition
on
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 both
road
Change to a plural noun
roads
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the
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offices
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 and
school
Correct article usage
the school
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.
Consequently
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,
this
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 trend can minimize
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling time for
people
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, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 live more convenient. The second advantage of
this
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 policy is can contribute to reducing
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
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 in cities .
This
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 is because separating houses from
shops
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 can minimize inhabitants around
homes
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.
As a result
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, if the number of
people
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 around
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homes
Change the noun form
home
show examples
 places
decline
Change the verb form
declines
show examples
this
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mean
Replace the word
means
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homes
Use synonyms
 are less likely to exposure to
crime
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.
To sum up
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,
Although
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arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
shops
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, schools,
offices
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 and
homes
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 in specific
areas
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 and
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
 them from each other can bring drawbacks
such
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 as ,
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals to
use
Use synonyms
 their vehicles. I think the upsides of
this
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 development greater outweigh
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantages
due to
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 it can alleviate
traffic
Use synonyms
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spatial organization
  • urban sprawl
  • economic development
  • congestion
  • efficient land use
  • noise pollution
  • mitigating
  • amenities
  • reliance on vehicles
  • commute times
  • socioeconomic groups
  • diversity
  • sense of community
  • mixed-use spaces
  • sustainable urban lifestyles
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