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Band 6

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages (Social)?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas
In many urban
areas
 , planners tend to arrange
shops
, schools,
offices
 and houses in specific places and separate them from each other.
Although
this
 policy can bring demerits including,
increase
Change the form of the verb
increasing
show examples
need
Add an article
the need
show examples
 of
people
 to
use
 their cars. I believe the merits of
this
 trend exceed
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
 because it can
mtigate
Correct your spelling
mitigate
traffic
 congestion and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
. On the one hand, the primary downside of
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
shops
, schools,
offices
 and
homes
 in specific
areas
 and
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
 them from each other is
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 need
people
Change preposition
for people
show examples
 to
use
 their vehicles in cities.
For example
,
people
 need to travel long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
from their
homes
 to
shops
Correct word choice
and mall
show examples
mall
Fix the agreement mistake
malls
show examples
, which
wast
Wrong verb form
wastes
show examples
considerable
Correct article usage
a considerable
show examples
aomng
Correct your spelling
amount
 for
people
 in order to
commuting
Replace the word
commute
show examples
.
Furthermore
, more need to
use
 cars
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
show examples
 more air pollution
releases
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 from cars.
Therefore
, the quality of air will decrease, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
more vulnerable to
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 chronic diseases namely, cancer, heart attack,
high
Correct word choice
and high
show examples
 blood pressure.
On the other hand
, I would like to argue the
beneftis
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of
this
 development
significantly
Add a missing verb
are significantly
show examples
 more than
downsides
Correct article usage
the downsides
show examples
. The first advantage of
this
 trend is can contribute to
alleviate
Change the verb form
alleviating
show examples
traffic
 jams in urban
areas
. To illustrate,
for example
, when the
offices
 are separate from
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
this
 can reduce
traffic
 volume
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 both
road
Change to a plural noun
roads
show examples
 to
Correct article usage
the
show examples
offices
 and
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
.
Consequently
,
this
 trend can minimize
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
travelling time for
people
, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 live more convenient. The second advantage of
this
 policy is can contribute to reducing
rate
Add an article
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
 in cities .
This
 is because separating houses from
shops
 can minimize inhabitants around
homes
.
As a result
, if the number of
people
 around
homes
Change the noun form
home
show examples
 places
decline
Change the verb form
declines
show examples
this
mean
Replace the word
means
show examples
homes
 are less likely to exposure to
crime
.
To sum up
,
Although
arrange
Wrong verb form
arranging
show examples
shops
, schools,
offices
 and
homes
 in specific
areas
 and
separate
Wrong verb form
separating
show examples
 them from each other can bring drawbacks
such
 as ,
raise
Wrong verb form
raising
show examples
Add an article
the
show examples
need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 individuals to
use
 their vehicles. I think the upsides of
this
 development greater outweigh
Correct article usage
the
show examples
disadvantages
due to
 it can alleviate
traffic
jam
Fix the agreement mistake
jams
show examples
 and
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
show examples
 of
crime
.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • spatial organization
  • urban sprawl
  • economic development
  • congestion
  • efficient land use
  • noise pollution
  • mitigating
  • amenities
  • reliance on vehicles
  • commute times
  • socioeconomic groups
  • diversity
  • sense of community
  • mixed-use spaces
  • sustainable urban lifestyles
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