IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Oil
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resources
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 are an integral part of the development of
countries
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a country's
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 infrastructure. Nowadays, these
resources
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 are running out of
oil
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
government
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 is spending a lot of
money
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 to search for new
resources
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. I believe
instead
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 of spending all the
money
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 in those places;
government
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 should focus on investing some of
this
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money
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 in building additional sources
such
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 as
wind
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 and solar. These new
resources
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 are clean
energy
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 and easily available. The most significant reason for my agreement is that, the
wind
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 and solar produce clean
energy
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.
This
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 is largely because pollution created by these
resources
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 is far less than that of
oil
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 sources.
For instance
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, recently the Indian
government
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 has started using
wind
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energy
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 at few villages , and they have seen a significant reduction in air pollution around that area.
Such
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 examples show that
energy
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 can be produced without harming the environment. The other fact which is equally important is
,
Correct word choice
that
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wind
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 and solar
energy
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 are easily available.
Due to
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this
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, people need to spend less
money
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 on work like mining and exploring.
Furthermore
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,
such
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 jobs are risky as well. A clear example is Kullu village in India, they have started installing solar panels on its houses and
wind
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 machines on farmland to produce electricity. Kullu village has shown the
government
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 that
such
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resources
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 are present around us , and with little investment, we can utilize benefits without risking our lives. In conclusion, I firmly agree that a good amount of investment should go to new sources
instead
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 of only spending
money
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 on finding
oil
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resources
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, primarily because clean
energy
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 is produced and it is easily accessible to everyone.

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task response
Make your main answer more direct in the first part. Say clearly that you agree to a large extent, not just that you believe it.
task response
Add one short idea about why oil is still needed now. This would make your answer more balanced and more complete.
task response
Your examples are helpful, but they feel a bit general. Try to explain each example one more step and show exactly how it supports your point.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To improve more, make some links between ideas smoother.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are not joined well. Use simple linking words in the right place, like 'because', 'therefore', and 'however'.
coherence cohesion
Keep one clear main idea in each body paragraph and develop it fully before moving to the next point.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You use examples about India to support your ideas, and this helps your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow most of the time.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • finite
  • renewable energy sources
  • expenditure
  • compromise
  • sustainable
  • environmental impact
  • infrastructure
  • economic sustainability
  • dependency
  • fluctuating prices
  • stimulate
  • job creation
  • vested interests
  • transition
  • reluctance
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