IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from eggs to adult fish.

The diagram below shows the life cycle of a salmon, from eggs to adult fish.
#life #cycle #salmon #eggs #adult #fish
The supplied illustration represents the process of how salmons live, from eggs to mature fish.
Overall
,
it is clear that
salmon
 has three living areas in
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
life
 cycle,
such
 as
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
,
estuary
Fix the agreement mistake
estuaries
show examples
 and
ocean
Fix the agreement mistake
oceans
show examples
.
According to
 the graph birth of little salmons occurs in the
river
 and the
birthgiving
Correct your spelling
birthing
birth giving
birth-giving
 process is called incubation, in
consequece
Correct your spelling
consequence
baby
Capitalize word
Baby
show examples
salmons
Add the comma(s)
,salmons
show examples
 are becoming older in freshwater rearing in
river
Add an article
the river
a river
show examples
. After freshwater rearing, teenage fishes are
moving
Wrong verb form
moved
show examples
 to the estuary and the process of estuary rearing is started there. As can be seen in the illustration third part of
salmon
's
life
 cycle begins in the ocean, when fishes are migrating to their rearing areas and
salmon
's most part of
life
 is there, in the ocean, because of being matured there.
Following
Change the article
The following
show examples
 stage is migration to the spawning areas
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
river
, where the
salmon
 has been born and the
last
 stage of
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
life
 is to
delivere
Correct your spelling
deliver
 a baby to multiply fishes amount.
Submitted by amina07id on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, life, river with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: