IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar charts show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar charts show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #show #uk #graduate #students #work #college #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graphs
compared
Change the form of the verb
compare
show examples
 the information about graduate and postgraduate students who did not go full-time
work
Use synonyms
 after college in 2008
Add the comma(s)
, for example,
show examples
for example
Linking Words
 part-time
work
Use synonyms
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 for their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 and
unemployment
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of graduates
Change the verb form
was
show examples
were increase
Change the verb form
were increased
were increasing
show examples
 than the
number
Use synonyms
 of postgraduates. The reached
peack
Correct your spelling
peak
indexex
Correct your spelling
indexes
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was
Linking Words
further
Add an article
a further
the further
show examples
 study of both charts. In the first graph, the lowest
number
Use synonyms
 was 3,500
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 voluntary
work
Use synonyms
,
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
Use synonyms
unemployment
Change preposition
for unemployment
show examples
 16,235 people.
Unemployment
Use synonyms
indexex
Correct your spelling
indexes
index
indexed
 higher than voluntary
work
Use synonyms
. The part-time
work
Use synonyms
consist
Change the verb form
consists
show examples
 of 17,735 individuals.
However
Linking Words
, the
further
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 one of the
rockedly
Correct your spelling
rocky
increase
Fix the agreement mistake
increases
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 24,665
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
graduate students. In the second graph, one of the lowest was voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 345 people.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
unemployment
Use synonyms
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 to 1,635.
Unemployment
Use synonyms
higher
Add a missing verb
is higher
show examples
 than voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 the same problem with the first graph. The part-time
work
Use synonyms
 was 2,535 and one of the top was
further
Linking Words
 study. It was 2,725
Use synonyms
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
postgraduate students
Submitted by ronadeclaro on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words work, unemployment, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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