IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show average household expenditure in Hong Kong and Britain in the year 2000.

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The two pie charts compare the expenses for
household
Fix the agreement mistake
households
show examples
 in Hongkong and in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that clothing is the least of expenditure for
household
Add an article
a household
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 in both countries.
Conversely
Linking Words
, other goods and housing occupy
largest
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the largest
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percentage
Use synonyms
 of spending in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 and in Hongkong.
While
Linking Words
 housing witnessed the highest
percentage
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 of household spending in
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
 in 2000 with 32%,
this
Linking Words
 expense in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Kingdom experienced much less
to compare
Change the verb form
compared
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 with
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
, only 18%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, clothing recorded the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of expenses for
house
Fix the agreement mistake
houses
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 in Britain and in
Hong
Use synonyms
Kong
Use synonyms
 in 2000, with respective
figure
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figures
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 of 7% and 4%. The
percentage
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 of expenditure
for
Change preposition
on
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 food in both nations were nearly the same, 22% in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
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 and 27% in
Hong
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Kong
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, people in Britain had to spend nearly double for transport compared with
inhabitant
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inhabitants
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 in
Hong
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Kong
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, with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
respective figures of 17% and 9% .

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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, hong, kong with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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