IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents buy their children a large number of toys to play with. What are the advantages and disadvantages for the child of having a large number of toys? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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A number of
children
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 have numerous playthings that their
parents
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 tend to purchase for them.
This
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 issue is comprised of merits and demerits . In
this
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 essay, perks and drawbacks are going to be argued. Plethora mothers and fathers purchase a lot of dolls or cars for their kids. They believe by
this
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 approach they not only express their love or attention, but
also
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, it results in
children
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 leaving their
parents
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 sole and playing by themselves.
An
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At an
show examples
overall
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 glance,
children
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 may feel satisfied and have fun with their
toys
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.
In addition
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, buying
toys
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, especially at particular events,
such
Linking Words
 as birthdays, may convince
children
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 that they have strongly kind and generous
parents
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.
Also
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, many modern
toys
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 have special features and indubitably they are extremely fascinating.
On the other hand
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,buying too many playthings may cause irreversible drawbacks. Even though having a lot of
toys
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 may seem fabulous, it may cause
children
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 to become demanding and by getting older and older , their demands increase widely and
parents
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 cannot meet their needs any more. I think
,
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apply
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 everything in the world should obey a balanced- regulation. Unless particular rules are not established for issues,
for example
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, buying
toys
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,nothing is situated in the right and acceptable position. In conclusion,
although
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 having a lot of stuff to play with may make
children
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 happy and persuade them about unconditional love and adequate attention from their
parents
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, worryingly, it may drive kids to have challenging and arduous personalities that
parents
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 are not capable of fulfilling
children
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's needs. In my opinion, every issue should have laws and rules so that no catastrophe will happen.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Focus on clearer organization of ideas. Use paragraphs effectively to separate and emphasize main points, introductions, and conclusions.
Coherence & Cohesion
Create a more logical flow in your essay. Use linking words and phrases to connect ideas more clearly and make the essay easier to follow.
Task Achievement
Ensure a complete response to the task by covering all aspects of the question clearly. The essay must address advantages and disadvantages equally and provide a clear opinion.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively by explaining how your points are relevant to the question. Expand on your ideas with more detailed explanations or examples.
Task Achievement
Include more specific, relevant examples to support your points. Drawing from personal experience or general knowledge can make your arguments more convincing.
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