Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you thing this is a positive or a negative development?

These days, a growing number of
people
have
health
issues and trying to take medicines and treatment
although
they can come to visit their
doctor
. In my point of view, it had both a positive side and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
negative side which are discussed in
this
essay. On the one side,
There
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
more and more citizens
take
Wrong verb form
are taking
show examples
care of themselves
instead
of going to visit the
doctor
will save them time. As a part of fact,
people
who were taken disease can research the solution to improve their
health
because now it appears in every corner of the Internet.
For example
,
according to
the figure analysed the number of
people
who can get treatment knowledge now is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
little by little with the internet where they can share the ways to fight the disease easily.
Additionally
, not only saves time but
also
money, based on the fact that the cost of each
time visiting
Wrong verb form
visit to
show examples
the
doctor
is still so expensive for most
people
so home treatments are still the better choices for them. But they must be careful with these types of treatments and medicines because every mistake always affects their body
turning
Verb problem
making it
show examples
worse. On the opposite, the
doctor
is
also
an expert in their area of work. So coming to the
doctor
and taking the medicines they have listed will be more effective ways to be healthy, especially for the
elder
Replace the word
elderly
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. And
people
who visit their usual
doctor
will not be afraid anymore of their
health
problems. Every wealthy
people
always
chose
Wrong verb form
chooses
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the best options for their
health
and visiting doctors will be a perfect choice that can not be skipped.
However
, the citizens who choose
this
way
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
usually not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
financial problems because it is not cheap. In conclusion, depending on the finances and the lifestyle of each person there are both negative and positive
development
Fix the agreement mistake
developments
show examples
to improve their
health
.
Submitted by Alexandre Harvey on

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task achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction to state your opinion on whether this is a positive or negative development.
task achievement
Support your ideas with more specific examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Develop and organize your ideas with clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use transition words or phrases to improve the coherence and flow of your essay.
grammatical range accuracy
Proofread for grammatical errors and sentence structure issues.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • alternative medicines
  • treatments
  • positive development
  • negative development
  • health problems
  • usual doctor
  • access
  • personalized approach
  • holistic well-being
  • lack of regulation
  • evidence-based research
  • proper medical treatment
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