IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
Nowadays, one of the main problems is an increase in the
population
 of
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
show examples
population
. At the present time, the statistics of the
population
 of some countries include a relatively large number of young adults in
comparison
 with the number of older
people
. I think that getting statistical information that includes being aware of the counts of young and elderly
people
 will help to adjust the balance of their counts in the future. It is important to keep track of the needed counts of the younger and elder
people
 to prevent massive increases among them.
Moreover
, a
comparison
 between these
ages
 of
people
 will help to be notified of their increasing and decreasing in advance. Another benefit of
comparison
 is that it allows them to calculate the resources that could be enough for their consumption. Sometimes, to do differences among these
ages
 causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
discomfort for related
ages
 who are concerned. to be considered an elder person or young person despite the real situation. Comparing the statistics of young
people
 with those of older
people
 helps determine if the younger
people
's numbers have decreased.
Thus
, after the reduction of
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
population
 among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elder
people
, there will definitely be a disbalance in the increase of elder
people
.
On the other hand
, the increasing number of elderly
people
 will be another burden for the government with pension payments. In conclusion, the
comparison
 of populations between
ages
 will help reduce the disadvantages of
this
 situation.
Submitted by elvinsadikrt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: