IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.
#show #uk #graduate #students #work #college
The two bar graphs illustrate what United Kingdom graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time
work
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
did after leaving university in a specific year.
Overall
,
it is clear that
 the highest
number
 of
UK
graduates
 and
postgraduates
 want to complete their
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
 during
given
Add an article
a given
show examples
 period ,
whereas
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
number
 of
UK
graduates
 and
postgraduates
 want to
unpaid
Add a missing verb
do unpaid
show examples
work
.
Furthermore
Add a comma
,Furthermore
show examples
 the second and third destination
UK
Change preposition
for UK
show examples
graduates
 and
postgraduates
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 part-time
work
 and unemployment,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
respectively. Looking at
graphs
Correct article usage
the graphs
show examples
 in more detail, the highest
number
 of
graduate
Fix the agreement mistake
graduates
show examples
 and postgraduate want to
further
 study at 29665 and 2725
people
, respectively.
In contrast
, the lowest
number
 of
UK
graduates
 and
postgraduates
unsalaied
Correct your spelling
unsalaried
work
 at 3500 and 345
people
 , respectively.
Regrading
Correct your spelling
Regarding
show examples
 other
destination
Fix the agreement mistake
destinations
show examples
, the second
destinations
Fix the agreement mistake
destination
show examples
 of
Uk
graduates
 and
postgraduates
 was part-time
work
 at 17735 and 2535
people
 , respectively. In
comparsion
Correct your spelling
comparison
, the third destination of
Uk
graduates
 and
postgraduates
 was unemployment at 16235 and 1625
people
 , respectively.
Submitted by faiz3177 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words work, number, uk, graduates, postgraduates, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graphs" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Graduate
  • Postgraduate
  • Full-time work
  • Further education
  • Part-time work
  • Unemployment
  • Volunteering
  • Traveling
  • Gap year
  • Career progression
  • Job market
  • Transition
  • Academic life
  • Professional sphere
  • Economic factors
  • Social factors
  • Financial crisis
  • Long-term impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: