34.In many countries, people incresingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative treand?
Personal earnings and spending are becoming a common topic in individuals’ conversations.
This
primarily is because of mental comparison and sharing information, in general, it is a negative trend.
One of the reasons that causes this
phenomenon is that individuals would like to compare themselves to the
Correct article usage
apply
others
, and money
is the most direct topic to point out the discrepancy. In modern society, even though people works
in the same type of jobs, the wages are quite different in distinct companies. Human beings would somehow be satisfied by knowing that they earn more Change the verb form
work
money
than their pals. Another reason is that discussing money
helps people build their financial orientation. There are tremendous investment ways emreged
in Correct your spelling
emerged
financial
market, Add an article
the financial
Correct word choice
and which
which
is impossible for one single person to expert in each of them. Correct pronoun usage
it
Thus
, individuals initiated to exchange experiences with others
to get known to more information.
Overall
, discussing money
in daily conversation is a negative trend as it has an impact on individuals’ mindset
. Wages and spending are the outcomes of people’s work, Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
however
, they will feel anxious when they are inferior to others
. For example
, colleagues are likely to discuss their personal salaries even though they obtain different responsibilities in the companies, the comparison mindset will be provoked after they find out others
get a
higher Correct article usage
apply
earning
. Fix the agreement mistake
earnings
Consequently
, possiblly
they will feel anxious and unsatisfied Correct your spelling
possibly
to
their current situation. Change preposition
with
This
result
in the society that graduates prefer to get a job with high wages at first than their real interest.
In conclusion, discussing and comparing Fix the agreement mistake
results
money
is a common topic recently, but it accompanying
an unhealthy mindset Wrong verb form
accompanies
to
individuals. I believe that people need to be more concerned about the environment than the economy.Change preposition
in
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task response
The essay responds to the prompt by discussing why people talk about money in daily conversations. It provides reasons such as comparison and information sharing. The conclusion presents a clear stance on the trend as negative.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, with each paragraph presenting a clear main point. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to further support the essay's coherence.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
