34.In many countries, people incresingly talk about money such as how much they earn or how much they pay for things in their daily conversations. Why? Is this a positive or negative treand?

Personal earnings and spending are becoming a common topic in individuals’ conversations.
This
primarily is because of mental comparison and sharing information, in general, it is a negative trend. One of the reasons that causes
this
phenomenon is that individuals would like to compare themselves to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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others
, and
money
is the most direct topic to point out the discrepancy. In modern society, even though people
works
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work
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in the same type of jobs, the wages are quite different in distinct companies. Human beings would somehow be satisfied by knowing that they earn more
money
than their pals. Another reason is that discussing
money
helps people build their financial orientation. There are tremendous investment ways
emreged
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emerged
in
financial
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the financial
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market,
Correct word choice
and which
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which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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is impossible for one single person to expert in each of them.
Thus
, individuals initiated to exchange experiences with
others
to get known to more information.
Overall
, discussing
money
in daily conversation is a negative trend as it has an impact on individuals’
mindset
Fix the agreement mistake
mindsets
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. Wages and spending are the outcomes of people’s work,
however
, they will feel anxious when they are inferior to
others
.
For example
, colleagues are likely to discuss their personal salaries even though they obtain different responsibilities in the companies, the comparison mindset will be provoked after they find out
others
get
a
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apply
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higher
earning
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earnings
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.
Consequently
,
possiblly
Correct your spelling
possibly
they will feel anxious and unsatisfied
to
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with
show examples
their current situation.
This
result
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results
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in the society that graduates prefer to get a job with high wages at first than their real interest. In conclusion, discussing and comparing
money
is a common topic recently, but it
accompanying
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accompanies
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an unhealthy mindset
to
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in
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individuals. I believe that people need to be more concerned about the environment than the economy.
Submitted by anson900506 on

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task response
The essay responds to the prompt by discussing why people talk about money in daily conversations. It provides reasons such as comparison and information sharing. The conclusion presents a clear stance on the trend as negative.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is well-maintained, with each paragraph presenting a clear main point. However, the introduction and conclusion could be more developed to further support the essay's coherence.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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