IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people assert that it is good for college students to have part-time jobs. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #college #students #jobs
Some
people
 think that it is good for college students to have part-time
jobs
. And I would agree with getting part-time
jobs
 when
people
 are in college. There are several reasons that getting an occupation is good for college students including my experience.
To begin
 with
this
, They can have various experiences if they have part-time
jobs
. It is not easy to get
jobs
 when they are high school students. So they don't have a chance to do lots of things they want.
Therefore
, they just go to school and meet only friends. Through getting part-time
jobs
, they can have wide experiences and face many different
people
.
In
Change preposition
As
show examples
 a result, they could realize
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
what is the best thing for them and what should they do in the future. It could be
also
 helpful to find their future dream. To take myself as an example, I did a part-time job when I was 20 and 21. I was a student and an employee. I worked at the supermarket as a cashier and at the wine store. I had to meet bad and interesting
people
 at those. It makes me tired.
Although
 those were terrible experiences, I got a
worth
Replace the word
worthwhile
show examples
 lesson. I could know that I prefer to talk with
people
 and recommend the good they want. Of course, my communication skill improved a lot
while
 working. In conclusion, having part-time
jobs
 would increase your life skill in various parts
such
 as communication skills and
treating
Replace the word
treatment
show examples
 skills. And you can learn what are good points to attract
people
. It could look non-worth, but everything you had experienced would become help you anytime.
Submitted by yjja23 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • time management
  • practical experience
  • competitive edge
  • responsibility
  • financial independence
  • budgeting
  • academic performance
  • relevance
  • professional network
  • burnout
  • balance
  • accountability
  • maturity
What to do next:
Look at other essays: