The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

The bar

chart

Use synonyms

illustrates the water consumed by residents in Australia,

while

Linking Words

the pie

chart

Use synonyms

describes water

consuption

Correct your spelling

consumption

by sector, both during the year 2014.

Overall

Linking Words

, it can be observed that the cities of Perth and Brisbane had the higher consumption,

while

Linking Words

the city of

Camberra

Correct your spelling

Canberra

had the lowest rates.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, agriculture was the sector with the biggest percentage.

Firstly

Linking Words

, it is worth noting that in the bar

Use synonyms

chart

Add a comma

,chart

show examples

the City of Perth consumes an

avarege

Correct your spelling

average

of three hundred

kilolitre

Change to a plural noun

kilolitres

show examples

per property during 2014.

Also

Linking Words

, the City of Brisbane had a high consumption rate of about two hundred

kilolitre

Change to a plural noun

kilolitres

show examples

per property,

while

Linking Words

Camberra

Correct your spelling

Canberra

cosumed

Correct your spelling

consumed

below 150

kilolitre

Change to a plural noun

kilolitres

show examples

Subsequently

Linking Words

, in the pie

Use synonyms

chart

Add a comma

,chart

show examples

it can be observed that Agriculture represents

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

67% of

Linking Words

overall

Correct article usage

the overall

show examples

water

consuption

Correct your spelling

consumption

while

Linking Words

the other sectors had a

consumtion

Correct your spelling

consumption

rate below 10% of the total.

For example

Linking Words

although

Linking Words

manufacturing consumed just 4%, mining consumed 2%,

been

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

these two the smallest slices of the pie

chart

Use synonyms

jorgederecho

Aug 10, 2023

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall, while".

▼

Vocabulary: Replace the words chart with synonyms.

▼

Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

▼

Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 5 times.

▼

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

161 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

average consumption
distribution
sector
domestic use
industrial use
agricultural use
urban areas
rural areas
trend
resource management
policy implications
ecosystem impact

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The bar chart below shows the average Australian water consumption in selected cities for last year. The pie chart shows the distribution of Australia water consumption for last year.

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion (Chi Vu)

Obesity was once considered a disease of adults; however, it is becoming increasingly common among children. Why do you think this is happening? What can be done to help children stay healthy?

Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?