IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The crime rate nowadays is decreasing compared to the past due to advance technology which can prevent and solve crime. Do you agree or disagree?

#crime #rate #advance #technology
Technological advancements have brought revolutionary changes in various sectors of work including, the police department.
Due to
this
, many different devices and virtual tracking ways are now available to monitor criminal activities and maintain law and order in any society.
Hence
, as per the given statement, some people believe that there is a reduction in illegal activities from previous times because of the use of advanced technologies
While
this
 is true to a certain extent
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I do not completely agree with
this
 opinion and would give my supportive points in
this
 essay It is important to mention first that with the development of web cameras, trackers, internet-operated or satellite devices and even media networks, certainly, police have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
enough support to hold a criminal. They can chase and catch a crime easily and even locals can report to them in no time. There were no
such
 methods in the past and so it was very easy for a lawbreaker or a thief to run and hide away.
However
, it has some drawbacks too. Cybercrime rates and online bank fraudulents have considerably increased. It has now become very convenient for criminals to
conduct
Verb problem
commit
show examples
 a misdeed by planning through social media and doing international robberies.
For example
, people get robbed by thieves just picking up a phone call and recently a well-known newspaper reported an increase of 20 % in
such
 crime rate in the
last
 10 years. In conclusion, as explained above,
although
 modern technologies are a boost for any country to control illegal activities as compared to the past
nevertheless
, criminals are
also
 finding new ways through it to conduct a crime and
therefore
 I do not fully agree with the given statement.
Submitted by sonyasharma01 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Good job in presenting multiple viewpoints on the topic. You have addressed the question and provided relevant examples and explanations to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay shows a clear structure and logical progression of ideas. However, there could be more cohesive devices used to connect ideas within and between sentences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • surveillance cameras
  • advanced security systems
  • potential criminals
  • law enforcement
  • AI (artificial intelligence)
  • big data analytics
  • forensic science
  • public awareness
  • social media
  • online platforms
  • crime prevention
  • crime rates
  • counterargument
  • cybercrime
  • technological misconduct
What to do next:
Look at other essays: