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Writing Samples /
Band 6

The money spent by governments on space programmes would be better spent on vital public services such as schools and hospitals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #governments #space #programmes #services #schools #hospitals
Governments in some countries spend a considerable amount of their budgets on
space
 exploration programmes. I completely agree with the idea that these are a waste of
money
, and the funds should be going to public
services
. There are several reasons why
space
programmes
Correct your spelling
programs
show examples
 should be abandoned.
Firstly
, it is a huge cost to develop new astronomical technologies, to train astronauts, scientists, and other
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 that are included in the missions, and to set up the facilities and equipment.
Secondly
, it’s mostly a competition for politicians to show their powers and the strength of their countries, and it does nothing good for average citizens.
Finally
, the taxpayers’
money
 is all wasted when a project goes wrong,
also
, it can cost astronauts their lives when even if the tiniest technological error
occurred
Wrong verb form
occurs
show examples
.
For example
, the Challenger shuttle disaster showed us how dangerous it is to conduct a
space
 travelling mission, and in my opinion, it is not worth the risk. I believe it is a better option to spend more
money
 on vital public
services
instead
. Since it is much cheaper to train doctors, teachers, police, and other public service workers than it is to train astronauts or the scientists and engineers who work on
space
 projects.
In addition
, public
services
 can benefit every member
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 society, because it has a large positive impact on our daily lives.
For instance
, all of us use infrastructures
such
 as schools, roads, hospitals, and police
services
.
Furthermore
, by enhancing our public
services
, we can reduce poverty as more
money
 can be used to help people who are in need or suffering from poor, leading to a better and more quality of life for everyone. In conclusion, I agree that the government should invest more
money
 in essential public
services
instead
 of
space
 missions that cannot benefit their citizens directly.
Submitted by maokaiyi0423 on

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task response
The response does not fully address all aspects of the task. Make sure to present a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates good organization with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure that the arguments are presented in a more structured manner to improve overall coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The essay showcases a sufficient range of vocabulary and uses appropriate academic and formal language. Expand the use of precise and varied vocabulary to enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay contains a range of complex structures and generally accurate grammar. However, pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence structures to further improve grammatical range.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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