IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2.5

Some people think that computer games are good for children's development. Others think it is bad. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #computer #games #children #development
The devices take a mean place in the 21st century, and
that is
 clear
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 everyone, if you go to any mall you will find a lot of children setting with
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
devices playing E-games, but is that good for them?
Video
Add an article
The video
A video
show examples
 game is good for our kids as many
pearants
Correct your spelling
parents
 say:
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 make the kids feel relaxed
in
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 save our time and effort to tell them that there have to set down and listen to a long
speeach
Correct your spelling
speech
 about how we can manage the day
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 doing something in most of the time not fun, so that makes the adult more relaxing too,
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 that make all sides the
pearnts
Correct your spelling
parents
 and children's wones and
geting
Correct your spelling
getting
 fun in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
other hand
Change the wording
another hand
other hands
show examples
 we found the
famely
Correct your spelling
family
 need to
speend
Correct your spelling
spend
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time will as one family, and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
moving around
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 normal, and
pheases
Correct your spelling
phrases
 have to go with
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 age, and that it
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 our family strong and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
talking make linking between us
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
effictive
Correct your spelling
effective
. Nutshell, the video games
not
Add a missing verb
are not
show examples
 good for our kids and we need to create a real
geame
Correct your spelling
game
 to get them
more happy
Replace the words
happier
show examples
, like
jumpping
Correct your spelling
jumping
 up and
cross
Wrong verb form
crossing
show examples
th
Correct your spelling
the
chiers
Correct your spelling
cheers
chairs
 or building
some thing
Correct your spelling
something
show examples
.
Submitted by qusay-1987 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: