IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people aim to achieve a balance in between their work and lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of this? How to overcome this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#people #aim #balance #work #lives
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern
life
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, the topic of which few
people
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 make a balance between personal
life
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 and
work
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 has provoked a
heat
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heated
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 discussion. Under
such
Linking Words
 high stress of
work
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condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
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 and high expenditure
of
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on
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 social
life
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, it is a normal phenomenon that most
people
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 can’t control their
life
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 and
work
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 wonderfully. And the
government
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 and
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company
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companies
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 should pay attention to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
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 the problem. The
work
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 of most
civilian
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civilians
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 is enough
of
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apply
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complicated and
stress
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stressful
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. The leader usually commands a
lot
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oflot
show examples
work
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 once a
time
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, in order to solve it and avoid
being deduct
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being deducted
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 wages, the staff have to
work
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 for a long
time
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 on it even
it
Correct word choice
if it
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 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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time
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 of
life
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.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon becomes more and more
generally
Change the word
general
show examples
, it caused that so many
people
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 can’t have enough to enjoy their own
life
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. What’s more, the spending of our social
life
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 in
modern
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the modern
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 city has become more and more expensive. The
works
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workers
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 have to pay more
efforts
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effort
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 to do
work
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 better to get admire of their leader which is the key to
get
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getting
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 a better salary job. More ridiculous is that some
people
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 even choose to do a free-
time
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 job to sustain their daily
life
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.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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do more than three kinds of jobs to repay the loan of buying
a
Change the article
an
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 apartment. These conditions really disrupt the counterpart relationship between
work
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 and
life
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, I think
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company
Correct article usage
the company
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 and
government
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 should better do something to deal with it.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
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company
Add an article
the company
a company
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 could reduce the pressure
of
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on
show examples
 their
staffs
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staff's
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 daily works,
such
Linking Words
 as making a list
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of that
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that
Correct word choice
what
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 they should and
require
Wrong verb form
requiring
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 them must leave the offices when it is
time
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 off
work
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. Secondarily, the
government
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 could set a foundation to help those
people
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 who can’t afford the daily essential things. By doing these, I believe that
people
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 could have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 enjoyable
life
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. In conclusion, stressful
work
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 and high expenditure of
life
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 is the reason to broke the balance between
life
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 and
work
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. The
company
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 should reduce the
time
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 and pressure of
work
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 and the
government
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 should pay some grants for
people
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.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Work-life balance: the equilibrium between one's job responsibilities and personal life.
  • Overwork: working too hard or for excessive amounts of time.
  • Remote work: working from a location other than the central work office, often from home.
  • Flexible working hours: work hours that are adaptable to suit an employee's needs.
  • Commuting: traveling between one's home and workplace.
  • Digital technology: electronic tools and systems used to generate, store, and process data, often leading to increased connectivity.
  • Disconnect: to detach from technology or work communications, often to establish boundaries.
  • Time management: the ability to use one's time effectively or productively.
  • Prioritize: to determine the order for dealing with tasks according to their importance.
  • Employer support: programs or practices employed by an organization to assist employees in managing work and personal roles.
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