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Band 4.5

Being a celebrity - such as a famous film start or sport personality - brings problem as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems? Give reason for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. write at least 250 words.

#celebrity #film #sport #personality #reason
It is widely believed that celebrities have a dream
life
 without any worries,
while
 some
people
 think that the
life
 of stars is full of issues and stress than normal
people
's
life
. In my perspective, famous personalities carry more responsibilities
as well as
 maintain wealth. Here I will try to explain both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views to a certain level. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 hand,
people
 who become famous because of their work
such
 as in sports, acting, and politics are always eager to maintain their job quality and impact.
For instance
, a world-class cricketer will always do hard work and give their full efforts towards the game so it will help
his
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
/her to
stay
Verb problem
apply
show examples
maintain fame and
people
 love their game.
Therefore
, fame comes with responsibility and stress as well;
however
, with
popularity
Add a comma
popularity,
show examples
 celebrities gain wealth and fortune which normal
people
 always imagine having.
On the other hand
, popular personalities earn huge wealth and opulence with fame and name and it is an outcome of their
endeavor
Change the spelling
endeavour
show examples
 and passion for their jobs.
For example
, celebrities spend money on maintaining their lifestyle, fashion and status always stay in the limelight.
In addition
, paparazzi follow them to capture their
life
,
thus
 they carry a fear of having a less private
life
 as well.
Hence
, famous
people
 earn more and spend a lot of money in order to keep their lavish lifestyle. In conclusion, well-known folk gain popularity
due to
special
Correct article usage
the special
show examples
 quality of their performance, so we can say accountability is not a problem.
According to
 me, getting more benefits clearly outweigh the consequences associated with it.
Submitted by nkdharniya on

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and strength. The essay structure is somewhat coherent, but there is room for improvement. The supported main points demonstrate some relevance but could be further developed.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a partial response to the task. Some relevant ideas are outlined, but they require further development and elaboration. There is potential for improvement in providing clear and comprehensive ideas and including relevant specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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