IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1.5

Today, more people are overweight than ever before. What is your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this?

#people #effects
There are two main causes. As societies grew in technology, the need for physically demanding
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 has declined. And,
as a result
, more
people
 chose stationary and less active jobs like desk jobs. These jobs don’t require much energy so
people
 don't burn as
much
Change the quantifier
many
show examples
 calories as they used to, but still eat as much. Leading to excessive calories stored as fat in the body. Resulting in more overweight
people
. The second complementary factor is fast
food
.
People
 used to spend
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 amount of time making
food
 on a daily basis.
However
, as technology grows, modern production lines can process
food
 at a remarkably fast rate.
Thus
, fast
food
 can usually be served in less than an hour compared to traditional
food
. And
people
 spend
the
Change the word
their
show examples
freed
Replace the word
free
show examples
 time eating more fast
food
that is
 high in fat and calory.
As a result
, the overweight population increases.
Submitted by johnny sins on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: