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Band 5.5

Some people think that schools should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward student who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #reward #students #show #results #student #improvements
The discussion of awarding
students
 at various academic levels is surely
one
 that begs the question of whether it should be given to the highest performers or the
one
 who is showing persistent growth.
However
, in my opinion, stating that it is equally crucial to reward both is the most
apropos
Correct word choice
appropriate
show examples
 choice.
One
 clear fact is that
students
 who achieve the highest scores in their academic subjects, should not be overlooked when rewarding them. Because
one
 has to work really hard and after many sleepless nights only it is possible to pass with flying colours.
Therefore
,
while
 appreciating
students
, it
will
Wrong verb form
would
show examples
 be foolish not to award those
students
 and will only demotivate them from giving their sweat and blood next time.
Hence
, there is no argument to the fact that toppers should be recognized for their every achievement.
Nevertheless
,
students
 who are showing a continuous upward trend
also
 should not be underestimated. To clarify
further
, showing constant improvements is
also
 almost equal to achieving the highest grades as it takes lots of work and discipline on
students
' part.
For example
,
one
 can not show development if he is not focused and willing to go the extra mile every time.
As a result
, the onus is on the schools and teachers to ensure that these
students
' morale is boosted by appreciating their efforts at every turn.
To conclude
, I pen down saying that both sides present strong arguments.
Nonetheless
,
while
 rewarding
students
, first priority should be given to top achievers
due to
 their dedication and uniqueness and
then
students
 with steady growth should be rewarded.
Submitted by ashishsavani118 on

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task response
The response addresses the prompt, but lacks depth and clarity in presenting relevant arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but the structure is somewhat disorganized, making it difficult to follow the flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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